


Connected: A Series of Josh and Sam One-Shots

by mogitz



Category: Until Dawn (Video Game)
Genre: F/M, Jam, Josh/Sam - Freeform, Post-Game Events, Pre-Game Events, UD - Freeform, Until Dawn - Freeform, When two people love each other very much, bathing bird - Freeform, jossam, oneshots
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-24
Updated: 2016-11-15
Packaged: 2018-07-17 23:03:42
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 6
Words: 32,320
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7289596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mogitz/pseuds/mogitz
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A series of Josh and Sam one-shots and short stories from the numerous adorable/angsty/funny ideas I have floating around in my head.<br/>Written because our fandom is dying and I'm not ready, dammit!</p><p>Story 4: Insecure over the fact that she’s never kissed a boy at (gasp!) 17, Sam enlists in Josh’s help. Much to his annoyance.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. School Dances are for Losers

**Author's Note:**

> Title: School Dances are for Losers
> 
> Synopsis: Sam's night at the school dance is ruined when she catches her date hooking up with his ex-girlfriend. Luckily Josh is there to help her get her mind off of it… she never really liked that guy, anyway.
> 
> Genre: Comedy, Romance, Fluff
> 
> Timeline: Pre-Game events, High School, +Twins
> 
> Pairing: [Josh/Sam] Pre-Game Canon couplings
> 
> Rating: T
> 
> A/N: Well, hello Until Dawners/Jammers. Jossamers? Whatev.
> 
> Our fandom is dying. You know it, I know it… either way, I am not done yet and I decided that while I am still working on MiM, (and no, I didn't forget about Twist of Fate with Enula… she and I have one more chapter to go but we got burnt out because we wrote literally THREE MONTHS NONSTOP on that story!) but I still have a lot of Josh/Sam ideas floating around in my head and decided to make this non-related, one-shot series with every little idea that enters my mind and has nowhere to go - it now goes here. It will be all different time periods, pre-game, post-game, high school, etc. Some chapters will be Josh's POV, some will be angst, some will be fluff, some will include other characters and couplings… just depends on what I feel like. Also, if you have something on your mind, send me a prompt! I love working with this ship, so I would love to take any ideas/prompts you guys wanna see.  
> _

_**High School - Spring Formal - May 2012** _

The music slowed to a romantic lull as couples got closer on the dancefloor. Sam searched through the crowd as the magenta and cyan lights painted the whole school gym with their vibrant colors. Her eyes honed in on a student-made poster on the wall as she passed by: _Go Tigers._

"Excuse me," she grunted, squeezing her tiny frame between entangled couples, trying to get to the other side of the poorly decorated gym - dollar store streamers. In her hands she held two paper cups full red punch that she was desperately trying not to spill.

She needed to find Tyler, her date, before the song ended. The dance was starting to wind down and she hadn't had the chance to slow-dance with him yet, which was the whole stupid reason she came at all. Sam wasn't really a big fan of school dances.

_Neither was Josh._

Because of this, the two of them just usually went to these things together as friends - companions in their misery. But this time, the very popular and handsome Tyler Pettigrew asked her to be his date.

_Her._

Sam told Josh and he made it clear he was ' _totally fine with that. Whatever. I don't care_ ,' even though it _really_ seemed otherwise. And because of the way that made Sam's heart ache a tiny bit, she told Tyler she'd think about it.

When Josh asked Sadie Meyers to the dance the next day, Sam told Tyler yes.

But she hadn't seen Josh and Sadie tonight. In fact, she'd barely even seen _Tyler._

As she slid past one of the chaperones, she yanked at the top of her strapless tube dress, ridiculously uncomfortable with the complete lack of fabric; she _never_ should have let Hannah convince her to wear this. It was _way_ too advanced for her. It felt a little like throwing a rookie into the last 5 minutes of the big game for the winning point. Sam was not accustomed to dressing for style as opposed to comfort, but the outdated Easter dress she'd stuffed in her backpack and brought to Hannah's had been deemed _unacceptable_ in the brunette's eyes.

"Sam, we're _juniors_ now," Hannah rationalized with feigned wiseness beyond her years, "we _have_ to look sexier. How do you expect to impress a guy like Tyler in a dress from when you were in 7th grade?"

"But...it's the only nice dress I _have…_ " Sam replied meekly. She wasn't even sure she _cared_ to impress a guy like Tyler. But Hannah was ecstatic to be living vicariously though Sam tonight and Sam didn't have the heart to stop her.

Sam held the old, pastel dress in front of herself. Hannah was mostly just surprised Sam could even still fit into a dress from when she was 12… and yet not at all. Hannah had grown too tall for all of her clothes the moment she hit high school, yet Sam had stayed her petite self. Josh would tease her that she wasn't getting enough nutrients to grow big and strong with her wheatgrass diet.

"I hate to tell you this, Sam. It's _not_ that nice…" Sam snorted and tossed her balled up dress towards her backpack before resting her hands on her hips.

"Okay, if _you're_ such an expert, why don't you tell me what I'm supposed to wear then?" Sam had challenged.

Now, as she wobbled through the crowd on heels that were _too_ high, pulling down a red dress that was _too_ short, and feeling a little _too_ much like a child in adult clothing, she regretted this decision.

" _Ooompf_ , sorry," Sam grunted after bumping right into someone but managing to keep her drinks unspilled. When her eyes adjusted to the lights, she instantly recognized that _someone_ as Chris. He glanced down at Sam questioningly, but still swaying back and forth on the dancefloor with his date - some girl his mom made him invite from temple because Ashley and Jess had decided to go together without dates… And also he didn't have the nerve to ask Ashley even if they hadn't.

"Oh, Chris!" she exclaimed, interrupting them.

"What?"

"H-have you seen Tyler?" Sam asked him, still searching past the couple at the sea of faces. Chris scanned the room; he was a good 6 inches taller than the rest of their classmates, so he had a better view than the barely five-foot blonde. Sam's eyes followed his, and when the crowd parted slightly, she finally caught a glimpse of what Chris was looking at: Tyler was making out with his ex-girlfriend, Amanda, by the locker room.

Sam felt her stomach and her mouth drop, her cheeks instantly reddening in embarrassment.

" _Oh_ ," she huffed out, the air escaping her. She swallowed, unable to bring herself to look back up at Chris' pitying eyes as he mumbled an uncomfortable ' _sorry, Sam_.'

She turned abruptly and slipped back through the students, her chest tight and her eyes stinging in pure mortification. She _knew_ there was a reason that she'd always thought dances were stupid and she never went. She tossed the cups of punch in the trash on her way out.

Sam's brisk walk turned into a sprint as she ran through doors of the gymnasium and into the empty school hallway, the sound of the cheesy, slow music falling further and further behind her. She kicked off her (or, better yet, Hannah's) heels and scooped them up in her arms, slipping and sliding down the tiled floors in her nude tights until she reached the front doors of the school. She burst out onto the steps and into the cool night air.

Once outside, Sam took in a sharp, high-pitched breath. With the stretch of her lungs came a sob, maybe two, but the tears did not come. There was no reason to cry; she wasn't _sad_ about Tyler. She was embarrassed. She was naked, vulnerable. She'd never went to a dance with a boy other than Josh, and _this_ was why. She'd seen Hannah lovesick a million times and swore that would _never_ be her. It was close… but no. Tyler didn't _get_ the honor of being the first boy to break Sam's heart.

That was reserved for someone a million times more amazing.

Even still, Sam's knees buckled and she plopped down onto the stone steps leading up to the school, still just trying to catch her breath. She tugged at the bobby pins in her hair, unfastening her updo into a kinked, hairspray-matted mess.

Sam growled frustratedly and chucked her highheels one at a time into the vast, empty darkness of the school lawn and dropped her face in her hands. She was taken aback to hear a hiss, followed immediately by a low ' _ouch!_ ' echo back from the darkness. She stood up slowly, her fingers wrapping around the cold metal of the safety rail, trying to see into the shadows.

" _Hello_?" she asked, but rolled her eyes at herself because why would someone say, ' _hello_ ' in a situation like this? Josh had made her, Hannah and Beth all watch enough horror movies to know better - and this was always how horror movies started. She could hear footsteps crunching leaves on the lawn, heading towards her and she nervously stepped back, her back pressing up against the doors to the school and her hands pawing for the handle.

Suddenly, one of the black high heel came crashing down in front of her, then the other. Sam saw someone struggling to get over the railing, and after a few moments, she recognized him as Josh.

" _Jesus_ , Josh! You scared me," she exhaled irritatedly but still hurrying over to him and helping him over. "What… are you even… doing out there, creeper?" she asked, her voice strained as she gripped onto him by the back of his jacket. He fell over the brick ledge and onto the concrete in front of her. He opened his eyes and peered up at her, and Sam back at him disapprovingly. "You're drunk," she accused. He rolled his eyes at her worry before clumsily getting himself up to his feet. He dusted himself off and crossed his arms over his chest.

"And you're beautiful," he replied smoothly… well, it would have been smooth if he didn't hiccup in the middle of it. Sam just smirked back at him. She reached up and took a twig out of his hair - it was oddly intimate. Sam tried not to think about that as she brushed a leaf from his purple, velvet suit jacket and straightened his bowtie. In his three years at Lincoln High, Sam had never seen him wear an ordinary tux to a school dance. Always something ridiculous, ironic or eclectic - it was both adorable and annoying. He just always _had_ to be different.

Josh's face grew a little more serious, "no, really… just a little bit tipsy, that's all," he confirmed. Sam eyed him skeptically at first, but she could see and hear that he was telling her the truth; she'd witnessed Josh much worse off than this.

"Why aren't you with Sadie?"

"Some family emergency or something," he said vaguely as he rubbed his forehead. "You hit me in the head with your shoe." When Josh removed his hand there was a red mark almost centered just above his eyes. She stifled a chuckle behind her hand, already feeling much better about everything she'd just experienced. His eyes widened as he took in the sight of her, carefully staring her up and down.

"Um, Sammy, I don't mean to alarm you _but…_ " he said nervously, leaning forward and placing a caring hand on each of her shoulders. Sam's eyebrows pulled together in worry.

"What, what's wrong?" she asked, just praying there wasn't a spider her or anything. A sly, amused smirk grew on his lips.

"...Someone stole at _least_ two-thirds of your dress." Sam's cheeks pinkened. She shimmied out from under his warm hands and folded her arms over her chest, feeling suddenly very exposed… especially as he continued to eye her up and down.

" _Quit_ looking at me like that," she snapped, although it tapered off into an uncomfortable giggle toward the end. "I will have you know this was your sister's doing." Josh cocked an eyebrow and leaned against the railing, ever-so-coolly.

"That somehow doesn't surprise me," he mumbled, his eyes meeting hers darkly. She couldn't read his expression as he stared at her, and it made her squirm again.

" _What_?" She couldn't hide the irritation in her voice that always seemed to sneak up when she was flustered. He didn't take his eyes off of her as he reached into his pocket and pulled out a bent up, almost empty pack of gum. He held it out towards her, offering her a piece wordlessly, but when she saw that it looked like it had been in his pocket for at least a month, she shook her head and muttered, 'no thanks.' Josh shrugged and unwrapped a piece, taking it into his mouth but still staring.

"Seriously, would you _quit_ it? What are you still staring at!? Okay, I get it. _Sam's in a dress, hardy-har,_ let's move on!" Sam lamented, gently and playfully shoving him in the shoulder. Josh hobbled on his feet a bit but maintained his balance.

"The make up," he said, simply. He shoved his hands in his pockets and rocked back and forth on his feet. "It's _uh_ … it's a little thick. You don't look like you."

" _Oh_ ," Sam breathed, her heart rate calming a bit. She had forgotten she even had it on - Hannah had insisted. Sam had thought it was a little on the heavy side, too - but Hannah _swore_ she'd seen the girls in MAC doing makeovers ' _just_ like this.' She gave him a small smile, gesturing towards her face, "yeah. That was Hannah, too." Josh bobbed his head.

"Figured… didn't seem like you." Sam didn't ask what _that_ meant. "What are you doing out here? Shouldn't you be inside with your lame boyfriend, dry humping to Bieber or something?" he laughed crudely. Sam's face twisted in disgust and she socked him in the shoulder.

"Don't be a jerk," she scoffed. "And he's _not_ my boyfriend." He just laughed more and plunked down on the top step, looking back over his shoulder at Sam.

"I guess what I meant to ask is: where is your _date_?" he reiterated, enunciating each syllable as though she hadn't understood the question before.

"Tyler? Umm... He's…" she began, squinting and tilting her head as she tried to figure out just how to finish that sentence.

"...a _total_ douche-nozzle?" Josh suggested for her, chomping on his gum. Sam sighed with a resigned smile, her arms and shoulders dropping.

"How did you know?" she wondered rhetorically with an eye roll.

"I know these things, dear, sweet child." He opened up his arms, gesturing towards the empty space between them. "Come. _Sit_. Tell me _allllll_ about it." Sam hesitated, and then reluctantly dragged her feet over to him and sat down beside him all the while pulling down her dress to try to be somewhat modest. Josh draped his arm casually over her shoulders and pressed a kiss into her hair like she'd seen him do to Beth and Hannah - although this was the first time he'd ever done it to her. Sam hadn't realized until she was wrapped in his warmth just how cold it actually was outside, even for spring.

" _Well?_ " he pressed after a moment of silence. He leaned forward, his forehead lazily pressing against the side of her head, giving her a soft headbutt. She pressed back, closing her eyes and allowing herself to feel comforted by him. "Do I have to kick his ass _orrrr…_ " He said lowly into her ear. Their closeness made Sam's breath hitch and her stomach clench but she held her composure, anyway. Instead, she snorted again and pulled away from him a bit, shaking her head.

"That's... _really_ not necessary…" she muttered quietly.

"No really. I'd do it."

"Oh, I _know_ you would," Sam agreed. "And that would be _amazing_ to watch but… I think you get yourself in enough trouble as it is. It's not worth the suspension."

"I would take a _bullet_ for you, Samantha," he teased, his hand clutched over his heart dramatically. Sam wanted to think he was joking, but she never knew with Josh. He always made flirty little jokes and she had always just assumed he made them with all eligible females that were in his presence… but she'd never heard him say anything like that to any other girl.

At least, not while she was around…. But maybe she was just making things up in her mind.

She patted him on the back gratefully, "also not necessary, but still _very_ sweet."

" _So…_ you gonna keep me in suspense, or are you gonna tell me what happened?" he pushed, and Sam wished he hadn't. It was too embarrassing...and she genuinely feared Josh would retaliate in some way. She didn't so much care about that for Tyler's sake, but for Josh's. He'd gotten in enough trouble at school; he didn't need any more infractions added to his permanent record.

Sam simply gave him a weak, uninterested shrug. "It just didn't work out," she decided upon, ambiguously. Josh shot her a sideways grin.

"You're really not gonna tell me, huh?" She gave him a lopsided, shy grin and shook her head silently. "Aw, that's okay. I'll get it outta Hannah later."

" _Trust_ me. It's for your own good," she promised, leaning her head on his shoulder.

The two sat in silence for a moment, listening to the gentle chirping of the crickets in the bushes surrounding them. Sam nibbled on her bottom lip, still thinking about the way she felt when she saw Tyler with Amanda. It didn't hurt like she thought it would; other than the humiliation, Sam actually felt… _numb_. Not like she felt now, with Josh's arm snuggly pulled around her.

They'd always been close but it wasn't until recently that she'd started to wonder if those platonic feelings they'd always juggled had maybe transitioned into something else somewhere along the way without them even realizing it.

It all started when Hannah had mistakenly texted Sam one night two weeks ago:

 **Hannah:** She's coming over. I did my part, so now you have to invite Mike over. We had a deal. [6:32pm]

Sam had gotten the text moments after she had gotten off the phone with Hannah, who had invited her over for an impromptu sleepover/movie night, and she was packing her bag. Normally, a last-minute slumber party was not unusual, but Hannah had been more insistent than usual, and now the text was definitely odd. Sam narrowed her eyes, wondering what on earth Hannah was talking about.

 **Sam:** uh, Hann… was that meant for me? [6:32pm]

….

….

….

….

 **Hannah:** Whoops. Disregard. See you soon! Bring ur swimsuit. We can go in the hottub. [6:34pm]

At first, Sam just shook her head and chuckled, chalking this up to another ditzy Hannah moment… but the more she began to think about it, the more she wondered…

Was that text meant for someone else? Josh, perhaps? Or did she just hope it was for Josh?

It didn't matter… a week later he told her he didn't care if she went with Tyler to the dance and for some reason that cracked her heart a little bit. She knew why. She just didn't want to admit it.

But now they were sitting here together and Sam realized it was always supposed to end up like this. She was doomed to inevitable hang out with Josh for every dance of her high school years. Maybe even every dance for the rest of her life... and that didn't bother her in the slightest.

"Sorry your date sucked," Josh said quietly, pressing his cheek against the top of her head. "That guy was a loser. I knew it the moment I met him." Sam felt her smile spread across her lips, and she pulled herself away from Josh's shoulder to look at him. She could see that he was forcing a smile. There was a sadness behind it that made her curious - but then again, there was a sadness behind most of Josh's smiles. Always a hint of something going on behind his eyes that no one knew about. She wondered if she'd ever know what was happening in that head of his.

"He _was_ a loser," Sam agreed, giving him a little nudge.

"I am pretty sure I told you not to go with him…" he muttered to her somewhat sheepishly.

"Actually…" Sam recalled, "I think you said ' _Whatever. I don't care. Tyler's a douche, though,_ '" He hadn't flat out told her not to go with him, but he had warned her in his own way. In a Josh sorta way. "Whatever. _Onto the next!_ " She exclaimed, pumping her fist towards the sky.

" _That's_ the spirit," he droned with a halfhearted nod. Sam wanted to laugh at the contrast between the typically exciting statement versus his monotone delivery. "Tyler Pettigrew didn't deserve to take you, anyway. He can suck a big, _fat_ -"

"Why do _you_ hate him so much?" Sam interjected before she had to hear the the end of that predictably crude sentence. Josh looked embarrassed by the question, slightly aloof. He stuck out his bottom lip, shrugging one shoulder casually.

"… I don't _hate_ him…" Sam's knowing stare was hard for him to ignore. She usually knew when he was lying to her. "Okay… I kinda hate him." Sam snickered at him.

"But _why_?" Josh froze for a moment, his mouth slightly agape as though he was trying to decide whether or not to answer that question - or better yet, _how._

"Because... in the locker room I heard him tell some of the guys he was just using you to make Amanda jealous." Sam's smile fell into a hard line, her stomach feeling slightly ill as she imagined Josh overhearing Tyler saying something like that and how angry that must have made him. She wondered how hard it must have been for him not to tell him off or maybe even something worse… Josh was already on thin ice with the school administration. Picking a fight with the school's golden boy probably wasn't the best idea.

"Oh…" fell from her lips. Her eyes began to mist, but once again, not because of Tyler. She wanted to cry when she thought about Josh overhearing such an awful thing and then keeping it to himself.

"Why didn't you say anything?" her voice cracked. She bit onto her bottom lip to keep the teariness from spilling over. Everything about Josh lowered; his eyes, his head, even his voice as he asked her, "...Would you have listened to me?"

Sam's fingers snaked up to her cheek to wipe away the one frustrated tear that had escaped, but her bright, beaming smile returned and she laughed it off the best she could. Little did Josh know she valued his opinion more than anyone. If he had just told her not to go with Tyler to the dance like she'd hoped he would, she would have listened to him in a heartbeat.

"I don't even think dating is for me," she sniffed. "I tried it, it sucked, I'm over it." She looked over at him and when she noticed his befuddled expression she crinkled her nose and bit her tongue.

"Well, uh, hey! That's not fair!" Josh stammered, turning towards her and pointing a scolding finger in her face. "Don't let _that_ DB ruin it for the rest of us!" Sam took his hand out from in front of her face and cupped it in hers. Her smile grew as Josh shut his mouth quickly at the end of that sentence. Sam swore she could see a hint of red in his cheeks for giving himself away so obviously. He shook his head and chastised himself under his breath, pulling away and fidgeting with his own hands in his lap nervously.

"You alright over there, champ?" Sam teased, cocking her head to the side. Josh just chuckled quietly, shaking his head and reaching into his jacket pocket to pull out a silver flask. "Oooh… what's that?" Sam asked excitedly as he spun the metal cap off the top. He raised it to his lips but paused when he saw the way she was eyeing the flask curiously. He nudged it towards her.

"What, you want some?"

"Depends on what it is," Sam retorted, trying not to sound as apprehensive as she suddenly felt.

"Well, it's not like… _poison_ or anything." He paused, before, "I mean, _technically_ it is, since alcohol is a toxin but-" Josh stopped blabbering when Sam took the flask from him before she lost her nerve and tipped her head back, taking a big swig. Josh cracked up when he saw her face wince and even more so when she made a retching sound.

"It _buuuurns_!" She gargled, deep from within her throat. Josh snagged it back and took a drink himself before hissing through his teeth.

"That's how you know it's working," he assured, ever-so-wisely. They continued to laugh together before another quiet moment settled on them, making Sam reflect on what exactly it was they were doing right now.

It was always _so_ easy between them; she knew Josh like the back of her hand and she was quite certain he felt the same about her. She was glad she didn't have to spend the evening in that crowded, sweaty gym with a boy she didn't even like that much.

This was where she wanted to be, as odd as that was. This was always where she wanted to be.

" _Josh_?" she said quietly when his stare caught hers. She wetted her dry lips, her throat feeling like it was on fire.

"Yes, Sam?" he replied lazily, his eyes half-lidded and his breath a little boozy. Sam opened her mouth to speak, but all she wanted to ask him was if he felt something between them like she did so suddenly… but that just made her feel silly and in the end she lost her nerve.

"What were you doing hiding out on the school lawn in the dark… you know… like a weirdo?"

"Trying to find the best hiding spot to nail some of the jocks and cheerleaders with eggs on their way out of the dance," was his nonchalant reply. Sam clicked her tongue, elbowing him in the side disapprovingly.

"Of _course_ you were," she muttered, but then a smile crept across her lips. "This was what I meant when I said you get yourself in enough trouble as it is, ya know? You actually have eggs down there?"

"About a dozen," he shrugged thoughtlessly, but then his eyes darkened again and he turned to her seriously. "Why, you want in on this, Sammy? 'Cause once you cross over to the dark side with me, there's no goin' back. You'll be marked up as a hooligan for the rest of your high school career… think you can you handle that?" Sam swallowed, not pulling her face from his even as she realized how close his lips were to hers no, how intensely his eyes stared into hers. Her words were caught up in her throat so she just nodded.

There was a brief silent pause that felt like a small eternity, and then Sam was surprised with Josh pecking a quick, chaste kiss to her lips before he popped up to his feet.

"Okay. Cool. Let's go," he said brightly, offering his hand down to her. Sam was still a little dazed and _certainly_ confused about what had just happened… it was so fast and innocent that she almost wondered if she'd imagined it. Especially as he glanced down at her as though nothing had just happened.

"Don't tell me you've changed your mind on me." Sam felt like her face might break from the growing and uncontainable smile she was harboring. Her cheeks and ears were as red as her dress, and burning hot. Still, now unable to meet his eyes, she reached up and willingly took his hand, giggling a bit as he pulled her to her feet, which felt so much better out of those damn heels. "C'mon, we gotta hide!"

Sam chased behind Josh as the two of them scurried down the school steps and rounded a corner where, sure enough, Josh had a carton of eggs waiting for them. Sam wasn't sure why she was surprised; this wouldn't be the first time Josh had pranked the popular kids… the most humorous part to Sam was that it wasn't as though Josh was unpopular - he actually ran with a pretty big group of friends and was (mostly) well-liked by his classmates because he was such a class clown. Still, Josh always lamented about feeling ostracized or insignificant. It was as though he had the opposite of _illusions of grandeur_ … it was as though he saw himself as less than he really was. An inferiority complex.

So, he egged the 'popular kids' to soothe something inside of him that needed to feel in control.

Josh opened the carton, and the first thing Sam noticed when she bent down to snag one of the eggs was the overwhelming odor.

"Oh my God, what _is_ that?" She cupped her and over her nose and recoiled in horror as Josh cackled beside her.

"I bought these eggs like three months ago and left them in the garage for proper, _umm_ … fermentation?"

"They're _rotten!?_ " Sam squealed, " _three_ months ago? That is some _major_ preparation, Josh. I worry about you." She was only half-joking at this point.

"You know what they say..." he began, tossing a rotten egg up and catching it in his palm, coolly."By failing to prepare, you are preparing to... suck."

" _Mmm_ hmm, well… Whoever _they_ are, I'm almost certain they don't say that," Sam shook her head, stepping up on her tiptoes to watch for the door. Josh poked her in the tender part of her bicep.

"Well, maybe not but they say _something_ like th-"

" _Shhh_!" Sam snapped, watching the red door to the school creak open. Sucking in a breath, Sam hurled her arm back and launched the egg towards the unknowing victim. The egg cracked down upon their shoulder with a ' _clack!_ ' and when he turned out to search for his assailant the darkness, Sam and Josh both instantly recognized him as the school's math teacher, Mr. Hansen.

"Oh shiiiit!" Josh whispered harshly, tucking the carton of eggs under his arm, grabbing a hold of Sam's hand and taking off with her yet again. They erupted into a fit of nervous giggles as Mr. Hansen yelled after them, but it was so dark and they were so fast they were pretty certain he wouldn't catch them as they made their way through the sea of cars in the student parking lot.

Josh pulled Sam down low, crouching between a beat up Honda and a pickup truck, waiting to hear if Mr. Hansen was coming after them. They locked eyes, trying to keep laughter from bubbling up and giving them away.

After a few agonizing moments and their hearts in their throats, Josh poked his head up, and when the coast was clear he took Sam by the arm and helped her up.

"Nice aim, girl," he complimented with a high-five. Sam caught it instantly.

"Why thank you. I couldn't have done it without you."

"Serves him right for flunking me last year and making me take summer classes." Josh put his hands back in his pockets, looking around and sighing disappointedly. "Whelp… I guess my plan is a bust, now. So much for all my hard work…" He gestured down towards the carton of eggs and Sam let out a short snort.

"Oh, yes. I am _so_ sorry. A lot of hard work went into buying three dollars worth of eggs and letting them rot in your garage," she said sarcastically.

"What a waste…"

Sam was a little sad that their fun was coming to an end, as this was the time of the night that she should be telling him that she should get going, but instead she felt a devious smile growing on her face.

"Well, I mean… since we have the eggs…" she began, hoping Josh would just read her mind so she didn't have to be the mastermind behind what she wanted to do next but Josh just stared at her, waiting for her to finish.

_So much for having a mental connection._

"That's Tyler's car over there…" She tilted her head in the direction of a nice, black, 2-door sports car. Josh gasped dramatically " _What_?" she asked, anxiously looking over her shoulder.

"Are you suggesting we _vandalize_ your boyfriend's car?" Sam rolled her eyes again - this time so hard she feared they might fall out of her skull.

"He's _not_ my-"

"Tell ya what," Josh cut her off, standing up straight and crossing his arms over his chest authoritatively. "I will let you use my precious, invaluable, irreplaceable stink-bomb-eggs. I'll even _help_ you because Tyler is a complete toolbag… But you gotta tell me what he did to deserve the wrath of Sam."

Sam bit the inside of her cheek and pursed her lips, crossing her own arms to match him, but when his stare was unwavering, she relented, " _Ugh_ , fair enough. But you gotta promise you're not gonna like… mess with him or anything. I don't even care that much about it." Josh cocked an eyebrow.

"You care enough to desecrate his car. Do you realize what eggs do to car paint?"

"He umm… he asked me to get us some punch and snuck off to make out with Amanda by the lockers," she said flatly. She swore she could see Josh's eye twitch ever so slightly, but he squeezed his eyes shut and shook away some minor demons before she could tell for sure.

"Well. In that case," he mumbled before chucking the egg hard against Tyler's trunk with a loud ' _splat!'_ She forgot he was an amazing pitcher until she watched his form; it was about the only athletic thing _about_ Josh.

Sam instantly giggled, feeling almost delirious with glee as she reached down and grabbed her own ammo, following suit. In a matter of moments, Josh and Sam had thoroughly coated the back of Tyler's car with slimy, smelly, runny eggs. Josh picked up the last one, handing it over to Sam and dropping it in her palm before slinking his arm over her shoulder.

"I'll let you have the sacred honor of the _last_ egg." As Sam felt Josh's body heat radiating off of him and warming her shoulders, staring at Tyler's precious vehicle, she almost felt bad for the guy. All things considered, she really should have been thanking the guy. If he hadn't been such a tool, she could have potentially wasted a lot of time going out with him. And in a weird way, he was responsible for _this._

This moment between her and Josh.

A moment she didn't realize she'd wanted for a lot longer than she cared to admit.

Sam half-heartedly tossed the egg and it cracked on the roof of the car, this time with a hollow _thud_. She wiped her hands together and exhaled, a job well done, before she turned to her partner in crime.

"Doesn't cold, hard revenge make you feel so much better?" he asked her.

"You have no idea."

And they stared into each other's eyes, Josh's face hovering over hers. Carefully he brushed a wisp of her blonde hair from her face and although she seemed calm, inside her brain was screaming.

It was going to happen… it was _happening._

As their faces drew closer to one another, Sam's heart thumped rapidly.

"My _car!_ " they heard Tyler scream, running into the parking lot with Amanda behind him.

Instead of a kiss, Josh yanked Sam down low, the two of them crawling between the cars to escape undetected. They could hear Tyler shouting and freaking out behind them and it took everything out of Sam not to jump up and take full credit for his strife...but _no_. She didn't need her _or_ Josh getting into trouble over this.

Plus, something inside of her told her that Tyler probably already knew.

When they were far enough away to stand, they began running again. This time it was to the football field a few yards away. Josh ran up to a chained off area with a sign that said "No Entry", lifting it up and letting Sam duck under before following her. The two of them slunk into the shadows as the listened to Tyler's yells echoing behind them.

Sam stared down at her bare feet, wrapping her arms around herself to combat the chill in the air. Josh, of course, wasn't one to miss such an obvious cue. He slipped off his jacket and draped it over Sam's shoulders. She gripped onto it tightly, enveloping herself in his scent as though it were a blanket. They walked in step, each waiting for the other to break the silence.

Still, they said nothing.

Instead, Sam's hand held onto his arm, then slinked down and her fingers laced with his. She watched his expression soften in the dark, and even obscured by shadows she could see him trying not to break into a grin. He looked down at her and raised an eyebrow, and she just wordlessly smiled as they aimlessly walked toward the middle of the football field.

Josh stopped her, taking a seat in the crisp grass without warning, so Sam dropped to her knees and followed him. The grass prickled her skin wherever it touched, her skin erupting in goosebumps - although she wasn't sure if it was from the damp grass or the way he looked with his features painted in moonlight.

Josh reached in his pocket and the flask reappeared. He took the lid off and handed it to Sam, who took another swig as Josh laid down on his back and stared up at the stars.

Sam sprawled out beside him their knees and shoulders grazing as they looked up at the night sky. Sam bit her bottom lip as she wondered if he would object to her moving a little bit closer. She bravely took his arm and slinked it under her neck, resting her head on his chest.

He was nervous. She could tell by the way his body stiffened and he wasn't talking. Most of the time she couldn't get Josh to shut up or at least be serious - right now he was doing both. She listened to Josh gulp down another shot of alcohol (liquid courage?) before she said, "You know what?"

Josh hummed a quiet and disembodied response.

"I'm having more fun _now_ than I did all night." Josh glanced over at her from the side, shaking his head.

"You are _so_ full of it, you know that?"

"No, I'm _serious_ ," she promised, gripping onto him tighter and giving him a light shake. "I should have just gone with you like we always do… I always have fun with you," she added shyly. Josh just smiled weakly and took in a slow breath, closing his eyes.

"Oh, c'mon, Jensen. I'm sure you say that to all of your boyfriends."

" _Yeaaaahhh_ right."

"Whatever, Sam. Don't act like you don't know that 90% of the guys I know have harbored a crush on you at one point or another… and the others are probably into dudes. You just don't see it like other people do. You don't pay attention." The last statement came out sternly. Frustratedly. Josh just stared forward, probably afraid to see her face as he said, "lots of guys would be interested in being your boyfriend, Sam." She saw him swallow hard and clench his jaw as if to keep himself from saying anything more. Sam leaned in towards him as though she were letting him in on a huge secret.

"Well… maybe so. But that doesn't really matter to me, because I'm not really interested in being a lot of guys' girlfriend," she conceded with a careless shrug, another swig of booze. Whatever was in the flask was working quickly; her head had already begun swimming a bit. He turned toward her now, their faces nearly touching. The melancholy was still there behind his faint smile. Always there.

"I _like_ that about you, though. You've always been… different."

Sam digested what he said, absently picking at the cheap, glittery fabric of Hannah's dress. "Different," she repeated in a sigh and a chuckle, "Is _that_ the word?" Josh thought for a moment, then nodded, pleased with his answer.

"Yeah. _Good_ different. But different."

"Thanks," Sam whispered, "I like that you're different, too."

"Now, if we could just make you a little bit funnier, you'd be a full 10," he taunted her.

"Oh, _ha-ha_ , Josh. Not everyone can be a comedian like you." Sam felt her heart beating hard in her chest like it had before, right before Tyler came and found his car in disarray. She was scared for so many reasons now, each one repeating in her head over and over again.

This could only end in heartache.

This was her best friend's brother.

In fact, this _was_ her best friend.

This kind of stuff was messy. Complicated.

Josh was complicated. Josh was messy.

They both knew it.

And besides that, Sam had never even kissed a boy before.

But the way Josh was looking at her now made her wonder if that was going to change.

Sam's eyes connected with his again and she set her hand on his cheek, gently stroking the smooth skin of his jaw, his neck. Sam wasn't going to give Josh the chance to kiss her, because instead she leaned forward first and pressed her lips to his with more certainty than she had felt before.

At first Josh barely reacted as she moved her lips against his, almost as though he was holding back, trying to refrain. She pushed harder, and before she knew it he pressed back, his hand snaking up to the back of her neck, pulling her closer to him.

They fumbled a bit like two amateurs in the dark, which was exactly what they were. Sam felt more drunk off of his lips than she did from the flask and more adrenaline pumping through her veins than any of their egg-throwing shenanigans had produced.

They slowed, lips parting, breath hitting hotly against skin as his forehead butted hers softly. Their eyes opened and reconnected and Sam wondered how she'd ever doubted her feelings for him in the first place. When she really thought about it, she couldn't remember a time knowing Josh that she didn't hope this would happen one day.

"Okay, you can be a 10…" he joked, because Josh was never good with serious moments. It was perfect though, because neither was Sam. It was their ease and friendship that made this moment even better. He sobered again though, the gravity of the situation beginning to weigh down on them. How were they gonna tell Hannah?

How were things ever going to be normal again?

"I always wondered what that would be like," Sam divulged, curling up closer to him.

"Was it good for you?" he mocked.

"It was better."

Sam _knew_ there was a reason that she'd always thought dances were stupid and she never went.

Unless, of course, she went with Josh Washington.

_Fin._


	2. The Homecoming Pt. 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story 2: Sam is surprised to bump into Josh at a campus coffee shop - last she knew he was backpacking through Europe to distract himself from the grief of his missing sisters. Now, he’s back in town to get on with his life and face reality - and visit his girlfriend. If you like those cheesy rom-coms where everything coulda been fixed with a simple conversation, this is for you.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Homecoming pt. I  
> Genre: Comedy, Romance, Angst  
> Timeline: Post-Prank, Pre-Game Events  
> Pairings: [Josh/Sam] Chris/Ashley  
> Rating: T  
> A/N: I’ve been working on this one for a little while - I totally intended on it being a one-shot but it kinda took on a life of its own and now it’s more like a two-to-three-part short story. If you’re familiar with my writing you will know I can be a little long-winded. These next few chapters will be related, but then I will be back to one-shots again… until I find another premise to drag out. It’s just easier to do it this way and I like it better than pouring all my heart and soul into a long, drawn-out saga that most people lose interest in after a few chapters.  
> It also turned out slightly angstier than I had initially planned. I hope it gives you as many feels reading it as if gave me writing it. Oh well! Here goes…

* * *

 

 **“** **_Sam_ ** **?”**

 

If the suddenness of her name being called from across the coffee house didn’t make her head snap up, the familiarity of the voice _certainly_ did.

“Sam- _maaay_!”

It was like the voice of friends past, a ghost of someone she once knew. A flutter in her stomach. She turned in her chair, not sure if she hoped it was him or a complete stranger, but the moment her eyes caught his, Sam felt the smile crack across her lips. It was the smile she wore for only him, and she hadn’t felt it in a long time.

“Is this real _life?_ ” Josh beamed, slinging a heavy-looking, army-green backpack over his shoulder and making his way towards the blonde, his arms out and prepped for a hug. She slapped her laptop shut and bounced up to her feet, her long arms wrapping tightly around the neck of her long-lost friend as he hoisted her up and squeezed, burying his face in her golden hair.

She smelled _exactly_ how he remembered.

Familiar.

_Home._

With her scent came a flood of memories; some of just the two of them, some with his sisters. He was afraid that might happen. But although the bitter nostalgia tugged on his racing heart, he was more than grateful to be embracing her.

“What are you even _doing_ here? I thought you were still in Greece!” She pried herself away from his bear-hug, her eyes glistening with emotion. It was _really_ him.

Josh left only two months after Beth and Hannah went missing. He had decided to backpack through Europe indefinitely. It was an idea broached (and then completely funded) by his parents. When Josh had mentally and emotionally lost it after everything that had happened, Sam and everyone else assumed the change of scenery would be a good distraction for him.

She punched him lightly in the shoulder, “and why didn’t you tell me you were coming home, ya jerk?” she scolded through gritted teeth.

“My Visa was up…” Josh chuckled, cradling his ‘wounded’ shoulder with his hand.

“...and I just think it was time to get back to reality, ya know…” Sam could hear the smile in his voice and it made her heart swell.

He looked rested. Tan.

Happy, even.

It was a far cry from the last time she’d seen him in the hospital, which was a memory Sam had tried to push out of her head.

“Are you here to see Chris?” Sam wondered, then gasped as the horrifying (but probable) thought entered her head, “Wait, did Chris _know_!? Did you tell him before me?”

It was her first year at UCLA, Chris’ second. In fact, of the eight friends, four were Bruins - Sam, Chris, Ashley and Jess. The rest were scattered around the country like ashes - Emily was at NYU (at her father’s insistence), Matt working off a scholarship at the University of Oregon (Go Ducks!), and Mike got a full ride to Stanford for Political Science.

“No, no… I uh… I haven’t told him yet...” he said uncertainly, his hand nervously finding the back of his neck.

“What?” It immediately struck Sam as odd. Josh might have been on another continent for months, but she could always count on Chris to have the newest updates on Josh for her.

“I mean, I just got home-” he gestured again towards his giant bag. Sam’s eyes brightened at the prospect of being able to catch up with him.

Now, it felt like a lifetime ago that they were inseparable - the most ironic part was all the grief they gave Ashley and Chris for dancing around the idea of dating. Meanwhile, Josh and Sam had always been entangled in their own dance of sorts, as well.

An infinite tango.

Sam reached up and and grazed his hair with her fingers, crinkling her nose and snorting out a short laugh, “I’ve never seen your hair so long.” Josh clearly felt self-conscious, his hand smoothing down his slightly unkempt hair.

“Yeah, if I woulda known I was gonna bump into you-” he stopped, unable to concentrate on the end of that sentence just as much as he was unable to look at anything other than her hopeful, excited eyes.

It was only fitting that Sam was the first one he’d run into upon his return - that’s actually what he’d been afraid of. They’d exchanged a few letters while he was away - A postcard from Paris, a letter from Italy… While he was gone, Sam liked to picture him from place to place, sitting in seedy cabs and meeting new people in hostels, scouring marketplaces around the globe to pick out a trinket or two that he’d send off to her; things that he thought she’d like or that reminded him of her.

But that was part of why he left in the first place.

 _Everything_ reminded him of her.

And everything about _her_ reminded him of _them_.

That’s where it got his head kind of fuzzy.

School started to get busier and busier for Sam while Josh was always bouncing from place to place, and the correspondence lessened. And then, they just kind of stopped. While they both stood and stared at each other in awe of actually being in the same room together again ( _fate? kismet?_ ) they were instantly overcome by a feeling of regret for not keeping in touch.

“It’s... it’s really good to see ya, kid,” Josh said through a sideways smirk.

“Yeah… you too.” Sam could never keep a straight face around that smile. It was infectious. Sometimes she wondered if he was doing it on purpose - or if he knew he was doing it at all.

His mouth dropped open and he looked at the door to the coffee shop as though he were waiting for someone, checked his watch. His eyes flitted back to Sam. He could tell by the look on her face she wanted him to stay. He _wanted_ to stay.

“Unless, like… did you have somewhere you need to be? You wanna grab a quick drink and catch up?”

 

* * *

 

 **‘** **_A quick drink and catch up_ ** **’**

 

...turned into six gin and tonics between the two of them spread over a lengthy two hours.

Sam and Josh sat, bathed in the sunset leaking through the windows, up at the bar just like old times, laughing and getting caught up on everything they’d missed. It was as though no time had passed between them at all.

Josh told her all about his travels; how to ask for water in Italy _(sparkling vs tap water)_ , the way it’s better to opt for a Eurail so you can see as many countries as possible with one pass, and about how the notorious couch potato _actually_ went on a hike that would have made Sam proud _(_ _El Camino Del Rey in Spain)_ . When he showed her a pic of him standing, arms spread and beaming (albeit, exhaustedly) at a viewpoint, she _was_ proud.

And equally, undeniably jealous.

In the back of her mind she couldn’t stop wishing she could have been there, too. Not just because he got to visit some of the most beautiful places on earth, but because they’d always talked about taking a trip like that - her, Josh, Hannah and Beth.

And because Sam wished she could have been anywhere else in the world while he was gone. While Josh was on an existential journey trying to forget his pain, Sam had been going through her own heartache back home.

“She was always _so_ sweet to the nurses,” Sam recalled in a breathy, wistful voice as she filled Josh in on the last few months with her mother, Margaret. “Like, they’d come in and prick _her_ with needles and draw her blood and stuff… and in the end she’d be apologizing to _them_ ,” she chuckled into her drink, holding her head up with her hand on the bar. Josh held his own glass up to his lips, shaking his head and laughing, himself.

“Your mother was an angel.”

“My mother was a saint!” Sam shouted playfully, eliciting a few glances from the other bar patrons she she slammed her fist down on the countertop in mock conviction. “Oh boy…” she groaned, blowing out her lips with her forehead drooped into her hands when she suddenly realized just how tipsy she was. She turned a bit on her barstool, almost losing her balance and Josh’s hands instinctively shot up to catch her just in case.

“Whoa there, buddy. Take it easy,” he chuckled lightly as she got herself repositioned on her seat. He gestured to the bartender, “Can we get a water over here?”

Sam stared off into space a bit as she went on.

“My dad was in like, _super_ denial, too. I mean… we _knew_ it was coming, but nothing prepares you for when it actually does. You remember, right? We knew even before Hannah and Beth-” Sam caught herself, redirecting, but Josh just nodded in agreement.

He remembered when Sam came over in tears the night that Margaret got her bleak prognosis - the treatments weren’t working and the cancer had spread throughout her body. It was forever burned into his memory as one of the worst things he’d ever witnessed, Sam breaking down like that. Up until that night, he’d never seen Sam vulnerable. And although he hated the reason why, he always felt like he was in this special club that only a select few got to be in, letting him see her that way.

“But my dad…” she continued, “...he was always just pushing for second and third and fifth opinions. And it got to a point where she was just... _done_. She couldn’t do it anymore, so she told him she just wanted to go home.” Josh watched Sam’s face shift into such intense concentration, as if she were trying to picture it all playing out in her own head. “That wasn’t long after you took off,” she noted, an unintentional sting in her tone yet miraculously, she smiled. Even though it was a painful one, that was Sam, for you. Trying to see the light in the dark. He wondered if that’s why she’d always liked him...

“And it was _so_ good for a little while. She was just happy to be home, surrounded by the people she loved. No more hospital beds or nurses or treatment plans… for those few weeks, I _almost_ believed that she was gonna be okay...” Josh knew where the story was headed and he reached over to take ahold of her hand. Her smile faded. She swallowed and sniffed, wiping away a tear. “God, it was so stupid to think like that. _So_ naive.”

“It just sounds like you were just trying to cope with everything that was happening… after Beth and Hannah-” _(Man… it still ached to even say their names_ ) “it really couldn’t have come at a worse time. ” Sam nodded, offering him a weak smile in return for his kindness.

“...She got sicker. And then it was really fast. One minute she was joking about Dad’s food being no better than the hospital food, the next we were deciding if her casket should be mahogany or oak.”

“Is that why you stayed here instead of going into the Peace Corps like you planned?” Josh asked awkwardly, trying to steer the conversation away from coffins. Sam just nodded and gave a little shrug, as though giving up on her dream was the easiest decision she’d ever made.

“I wanted to be here for dad. He was _such_ an absolute wreck when she passed,” Sam muttered. “I just remember his desperation in the end. He even offered to give them his organs if it could save her life, saying it didn’t matter if he lost his. I’ve never seen that before… it still haunts me.”

Both of them sat in silence, pondering that statement and whether or not either of them would get a chance to feel love like that - so deep and true that you’d be willing to lose your life for it.

“And UCLA is a great college. I like it here, so far…” she reasoned, but Josh knew that Sam _hated_ being here. She never fit in here in LA. She needed mountains and adventures and orphan children to feed and animals to save. Sam wasn’t meant for this plastic world with plastic people. She was too good. Too grand.

Suddenly, Josh felt sick to his stomach.

He recalled all of the nights she was there for him in their grief over the loss of his sisters… and when she needed him most, where was he? Backpacking through Europe and escaping his own pain.

“Sam… I’m _so_ sorry I wasn’t here-” Sam turned to Josh and her gaze made him freeze.

“I _needed_ you, Josh.” She wiped away another quick tear. “I mean, I know that’s selfish and unfair but… you were my _person_. And then you were just gone.” Josh’s hand clasped tighter around hers.

“ _Iknow,_ ” he choked. “I know Sam and I am so sorry… I just… I don’t know if there was any way I could have been _anything_ for _anyone_ around that time.” And yet, he inwardly winced when he thought about Sam’s dad begging doctors to save his wife. Who knows what Josh could have been capable of. Maybe being Sam’s strength during that time would have fit him like a glove. Maybe they could have healed from their horrific, unfair losses together.

But no. He bailed. He left her in her time of need.

Sam just nodded somberly; she appreciated his honestly. She suddenly felt ridiculous for making him feel bad about that. He’d just lost his sisters - there was no way he could have been there for her. Josh was not in his right mind then.

“I’ve… I’ve _really_ missed you, Josh,” she said in almost a whisper, their faces close. Josh’s breath hitched - he’d wanted another moment alone with Sam like this for much longer than he could even remember. She slowly crept forward, and he thought that maybe, _just maybe_ , she might even be trying to kiss him.

At the very least she was thinking about it.

That’s what made saying what he needed to say to her so much harder.

“Sam, I feel like I gotta tell you something,” Josh began quietly, his thumb rubbing against the smoothness on the back of her hand. He ignored the way it ignited goosebumps up her tan, bare arms. End of summer/early fall Sam was always his favorite - he loved the way the sun always lightened her hair and dusted freckles across her nose. “I’m… kinda here to see someone.”

“Well, I’m sure you have _a lot_ of people to catch up wi-”

“No, I mean… I’m _seeing_ someone,” he spat out quickly as to not let it linger between them too long.

Silence settled as Sam tried to pretend like that didn’t bother her - he didn’t belong to her. She had no claim to him.

And Josh tried to pretend like telling her this wasn’t one of the more difficult things he’d done in his life. He had _no idea_ Sam was at UCLA or that he’d casually bump into her at a coffee shop. Last _he’d_ known she was joining the Peace Corps and building schools in Fiji.

“Oh,” she breathed, shaking away the dazed look on her face and forcing a tight-lipped smile. “That’s great!” Josh cocked an eyebrow. It wasn’t the reaction he expected - no, _actually_ , coming from Sam it was exactly the response he’d expected.

“It is?”

“Well, _sure!_ Yeah, I mean-” she stammered, taking a pause to sip her water and buy herself some time to think of what to say next. She gave a nonchalant roll of her shoulder. “Why wouldn’t it be? You’re single. Single people… _date._ And stuff. You guys are dating?”

“Uh- _huh…_ ” Josh grunted, still puzzled by her bizarre reaction to his news. She seemed to notice her face was still close to his; she sat up straight and backed up a bit. “Are… you okay?” Sam laughed. Too hard. She was uncomfortable.

“ _What?_ I-I’m fine.”

“You sure?” he pushed.

_Say it. Say you’re bothered. Say you missed me. Say you regret never telling me how you felt before._

“I said I’m _fine_ ,” she snapped. She folded her lips, closing her eyes and silently chastising herself for being unable to get her tone to match her words.

Josh just wanted to brush it all off. Sam knew how he felt about her.

It wasn’t mutual.

They both inwardly cringed at the memory; Josh had told Sam he was in love with her not too long after his sisters went missing and she shot him down. She wasn’t mean about it. It wasn’t so much a “ _no_ ” as it was a “ _not now_.”

He didn’t blame her; Josh was never very good with ‘ _timing._ ’ His sisters were missing and they were both in mourning, she’d just gotten the news that her mom wanted to go home and live out the rest of her days with her loved ones. Sam kindly told him she really cherished his friendship and that they were all there for him.

He booked his flight two weeks later.

“I’m… _really_ happy for you,” she nodded with wide, doe-like eyes. He wanted to believe her, but just like he always felt when it came to Sam, he knew she was holding back.

They closed their tabs and once again the universe sent them spiraling in different directions; Sam went home to cry into her vegan ice-cream and figure out just why she couldn’t ever bring herself to tell Josh how she felt.

Meanwhile, Josh checked the address written on a crumpled piece of paper and began walking to go see the girl he was dating. He needed to tell her that it was never going to work between them.

His heart was never really up for grabs.

 

Their would dance continue; the agonizing tango of never saying what they meant to say.

 

* * *

 

 **“** **_Stupid, stupid, stupid!_ ** **”**

 

Sam scolded herself to the rhythm of each step that propelled her away from him. She tightened her coat around her to combat the chill in the air and hoisted her backpack more securely on her shoulder. She painstakingly recounted every single line of dialogue she’d just exchanged with him.

“ _I’m fine_ ,” she snarled ironically, furious at herself for keeping her feelings, once again, bottled up inside.

Sam took in a staggered breath and relished in the cool night air. She decided as the streetlights kicked on that she would take the long way back to her apartment. She needed the time to clear her head - her mind was loudly buzzing with all the things she wanted to say - all the things she _meant_ to say.

…the thing he’d bravely told her _once_.

 

“I think I’m in love with you, Sam,” Josh had said very seriously less than a year ago, which caught her off guard because it came at the tail-end of one of their laughing fits on the floor of her bedroom. Her laughter stopped and her nerves began to jangle - she’d _wondered_. He sometimes looked at her like he was in love with her and Hannah and Beth would tease him but she never thought he’d just out and out say it.

Sam reached over and turned down the Blink182 that had been blaring between them.

“Wait… _what?_ ” she asked low in her throat, wrapping her arms around her knees and sitting up. She stared down at her ratty old Converse sneakers because it was easier than making eye contact with him. He sat up right in front of her, cross-legged, as he leaned more in towards her peripheral.

“I said-”

“I know what you said,” she uttered. She couldn’t bear to hear him say it again. Josh cleared his throat, giving her a shrug as he fussed with a loose thread on his jeans nervously.

“Well… you asked _‘what’_ so I-”

“ _When?_ ” Her glossy green eyes bravely met his now and he almost lost his nerve, but it was too late to go back now. He’d already said it. He wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting - this was _Sam,_ afterall. She was a closed book. He’d spent countless hours pouring his heart out and telling her every thought that high-tailed its way through his complex and muddled brain and she’d never told him what was going on in hers. His lips parted revealing a confused but goofy smile - he thought for a moment.

“Probably always, I think,” was his insightful response. His smile faded when he saw her expression change.

“ _Josh_ -” she began, her eyebrows turned down into two sympathetic slopes. “You mean _so_ much-”

“ _Ahhhh_ ,” he groaned from the back of his throat, scrunching his face and shaking his head. He knew where this was headed. He leaned back on his hands, sighing. “Don’t. If you’re not going to say it back, that’s okay, ya know, but… spare me the embarrassing after-conversation. I can’t, uh…. I can’t do _that_.” Sam’s legs twisted beneath her and she raised to her knees, carefully placing her hands on each of his shoulders and squeezing.

“You are my _best_ frie-”

“ _Nope!_ ” Josh blurted, popping up to his feet and clasping his hands behind his head as he shifted his weight from side to side. He gestured between the space between them. “It was stupid, ya know? Can we just like… pretend I didn’t say it at all?”

Sam swallowed and stood up, gazing up at him. Her face was blank - everything about her was so unreadable it drove him insane. Before he could figure out exactly what she was doing she leaned forward, pressing a soft, chaste kiss against his lips. She pulled away, setting her palm to rest against his cheek.

“Why’d you do that?” he asked quietly, the words almost caught up in his throat.

“Because I wanted to,” she smiled achingly. Her fingers slid down his arms to interlace with his. “I can’t even begin to tell you what I feel about you.” Josh wanted to snort out a laugh - of course that statement was incredibly accurate. Not only couldn’t she, but she wouldn’t.

Sam’s mouth fell open and she waited for the words to come, Josh stared back at her hopefully. She closed her mouth and shook her head, her eyes misting.

“My mom’s dying, Josh,” her voice cracked. He wordlessly nodded because how could he argue with that? “It’s just… it’s just not the right time, you know? I’ve got too much on my heart, I don’t think I could take that on, too… I don’t need you as a boyfriend, right now.” When she said it like that, he felt like an ass. Of course she didn’t. How could she possibly? Her eyes widened, “I need you as my best friend, Josh.”

Maybe she did. But those weren’t the words he wanted to hear and it gave him a hopeless knot in the pit of his stomach. Josh’s hands broke from hers and retired to his pockets. He took a step back, forcing a smile.

It hurt like hell, being rejected, but that’s what you do for people you love. You smile through it. You understand. You go on living even though half of your heart is living in someone else.

Josh told her only two weeks later that he was going to Europe.

“You’re what?” she had breathed. He beamed proudly and showed her his ticket. “Like… alone?”

“Well, I mean, kinda. My cousins will be there for some of the trip. I’ll be meeting my grandparents in Paris-”

“So you’re like… leaving?” Sam croaked and watched as Josh’s grin dissipated. He looked at her sympathetically, giving her a bit of a sideways hug that felt foreign to her in contrast with his usual, grand, all-enveloping bear hugs.

He’d barely talked to her since the night he told her that he loved her and it was killing her.

“Well, I mean, yeah but just for a few weeks or so… my parents thought it would be a good idea… you know, get away from the memories, here.”

“Uh-huh,” Sam said, awkwardly turning from him so he couldn’t see that she was dangerously close to crying. She gulped down the lump in her throat. “Sounds great.” He was leaving her. She’d just told him that she needed her best friend, and he was leaving. Sam had spent countless hours counseling him and mourning with him over Beth and Hannah and now that she needed him most he was taking off. Her tears were hot and stingy and angry.

Josh forced her to face him, pretending not to see her teared eyes just as she pretended that she wasn’t about to cry.

“It hurts too much to be here,” he said darkly, and maybe he was talking about his sisters, too… but Sam knew deep in her heart that he meant it hurt too much to be here with her.

Without another moment’s hesitation Sam flung herself into his chest, wrapping her arms tightly around him and relaxing when she felt him give her a real hug in return.

“I’m gonna miss you,” she nearly sobbed into his shirt, and Josh just nodded.

“I’m gonna miss you too, kid.”

 

Sam shook the thoughts and memories away, slipping her keys into the lock and letting herself into her apartment. She immediately felt her stomach drop at the sight of Josh standing in her living room.

“Uh… _hi?_ ” she said, her brow furrowed in bewilderment. She peered into her apartment and then back at him - his eyes were wide and guilty, his arms folded awkwardly in front of him. “What are you-” and suddenly the confusion of the situation was beginning to subside. “How did you-”

“ _Sam!?_ ” Sam jumped at the yelling of her name before Jess popped her head out of the kitchen door. Sam’s mouth ran dry and she was instantly queasy as she stared vacantly between the boy she’d loved since she was a girl and her roommate. She just prayed that this wasn’t exactly what she thought it was. “Hey! Look who _I_ found…” Jess said happily.

 

_"I’m seeing someone."_

 

Jess walked out and slipped her hand around Josh’s waist and pressed a kiss onto his cheek.

“Surprise!” she squealed.

And Sam realized

It was _exactly_ what she thought.

* * *

 

To Be Continued...


	3. The Homecoming Pt. 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Homecoming pt. II  
> Genre: Comedy, Romance, Angst  
> Timeline: Post-Prank, Pre-Game Events  
> Pairings: [Josh/Sam] Chris/Ashley  
> Rating: T  
> A/N: Here ya gooooo. There’ll prob be like one more chapter of this short story after this one, and then I have like 2 one-shots coming. Please continue to leave your support, and remember I take prompts. Xoxo  
> P.s. Don’t hate me because of Jess. I personally like Jess, but we all know how catty she can be when she sinks her claws into something she wants. It’s canon.  
> Also… ever get to the end of something you’ve written and think… “How did I get here? What am I doing?” Yup.

 

* * *

 

**“** **_Jessica_ ** **? The girl you’re seeing is** **_Jessica?_ ** **”**

 

Sam hissed at Josh the  _ moment _ the bubbly blonde had disappeared into the kitchen and out of earshot to mix them up a few ‘celebratory’ drinks.

“Are you  _ kidding _ me? Is this some kind of a prank?” Sam was unable to keep the hurt from her voice and she hated that. It was weak but angry - and Josh couldn’t even blame her. This was a  _ horrible _ way to find out some  _ horrible _ news and he should have just told her earlier when he’d had the chance and now he just felt… well,  _ horrible _ . 

She crossed her arms, a subconscious means of both protecting her heart and steadying her shaking hands. “When you said you were  _ kinda _ seeing someone, why didn’t you just say it was  _ Jessica? _ ” Her heartbeat thrashed wildly against her ribcage; she could hear it in her ears and she almost swore he could hear it, too.

“I… I don’t know why I didn’t,” he swallowed. 

But he  _ did _ know.

He didn’t want to tell Sam it was Jessica because he was avoiding a reaction  _ exactly _ like this. Sam groaned low in her throat and pressed her palms against her temples. 

Josh tried to do some damage control, “I didn’t know she was your roommate…”

“As if that makes it any better,” Sam huffed. “You  _ do _ realize that  _ not _ only are you dating my  _ roommate _ , Josh, but you’re dating the girl who masterminded the _ entire _ prank th-”

“I’m  _ aware _ ,” Josh cut in quickly before Sam could even finish the thought. He already  _ knew _ Jessica had come up with the plan that cost him his sisters. He didn’t need reminded. 

Sam’s eyes shot daggers but she nibbled her bottom lip to keep from tearing up. Again.

Josh had barely been home for longer than 13 hours and he’d successfully made Sam cry like three times, now.

“Sam… C’mon. Don’t look at me like that, you  _ know  _ I hate it when you look at me like that.”

“I’m not  _ looking at you any specific way, Joshua _ ,” Sam snapped, narrowed eyes and an embarrassed shade pink on her cheeks for having been called out - he knew her well. 

_ Too _ well. 

She hated that, too. She hated that they had so much history that he could read her all too easily. It made her feel vulnerable.

“How. Did this.  _ Happen? _ ” Sam demanded as Josh ran a bothered hand through his hair.

“I don’t kn-”

“ _ Don’t _ ,” Sam said, jabbing a finger towards his face angrily. “ _ Don’t  _ just shrug and say  _ I don’t know _ .”

“We just… we started emailing while I was in Europe. She wanted to ask me for my forgiveness about everything that happened-”

“Whiskey or vodka?” Jess called out from the kitchen, reminding the two that she was still on the same planet as them, let alone the same apartment. It just made Sam’s tense shoulders even more tight, hearing her voice.

“-you mean what she  _ caused  _ to happen? To your  _ sisters _ , to my  _ best friends _ ,” Sam reminded Josh harshly, waving her arms around a little too animatedly before Josh began to shush her again. 

“Uh, whiskey,” Josh called back to Jess so she wouldn’t come out and investigate. The pink in Sam’s cheeks had turned to red now as she continued to seethe without any idea just how this could have possibly happened.

_ Sure _ , Jess had this week-long obsession with Josh in high school and okay,  _ fine _ , Sam had had to endure Josh admitting to the guys just how hot Jess was one time, but there was no  _ way _ her mind could actually wrap around the fact that Josh and Jess were apparently an item, now.

He reached for Sam again but she jerked herself from his grasp violently.

“Oh, reeee- _ lax _ ,” he scolded, having had quite enough of this already. She pressed her back up against the wall and shut herself off, unwilling to wipe the pout from her lips. Josh would have thought it was adorable if she wasn’t  _ so _ unwaveringly furious at him. “We just started talking and I realized…. I really needed to forgive her, you know? And not just for  _ her. _ For  _ me _ .”

It was sound logic, and Sam couldn’t believe that she actually understood what he was trying to tell her. She almost even empathized. 

Even still, she couldn’t help but feel betrayed in some way.

“Yeah, well. I forgave her  _ too _ , Josh…. But I’m not  _ dating _ her.”

“No, you’re just her roommate…” he pointed out in a grumble. The way her eyes shot through him made it clear that it  _ wasn’t _ the same. 

“When did this go from  _ forgiving _ her to-” she paused, trying not to think about them hooking up in too much detail. Sam wetted her dry lips and took in a slow breath, “-to whatever it is you guys are doing?” Josh hesitated, wondering if he should even get into it with her - clearly she was already upset as it was. Did he really need to give her the gory details? She stood and awaited an explanation and for _ some _ reason he felt like he owed it to her.

“A few weeks ago...” he relinquished. 

“I thought you  _ just _ got back-”

“...she was in New York for a cheer thing-”

“You met her in New York?” Sam asked quietly, her eyes huge and wet. Jess had gone to New York City about three weeks ago for a cheer convention and never mentioned  _ anything  _ about seeing Josh while she was there.

Josh sighed frustratedly with a growl, wishing he could have just come here and ended it with Jess like he had planned since the  _ minute _ he saw Sam in that coffee shop earlier that day. It was a stupid idea to hook up with Jess in the first place; he’d let himself get carried away with the idea of actually  _ connecting  _ with someone and she was the perfect distraction from Sam at the time - it didn’t matter how far or wide he traveled, Sam was always on his mind and a little part of him  _ hated _ her for that.

“It just  _ happened _ , Sam. I was ending my trip and visiting my aunt and uncle and she happened to be in town while I was there-” Sam squirmed where she stood, unsure whether or not to ask the burning question on her mind now.

“Did you guys…  _ um… _ ” Sam swallowed it down before it came all the way out, shaking away the hot tears in her eyes. “You know what, nevermind.  _ Please _ don’t answer that. I don’t even care.” 

Josh was confused, because she said she didn’t care, but she  _ very _ clearly did. He took a step towards her, towering over her and invading her space as he quietly told her, “Sam…  _ you _ rejected _ me _ .”

Josh’s proximity to Sam at this moment made it very hard for her to concentrate on anything other than his intense eyes and the way they could always pull her in, make her heart beat faster and slower at the same time to the point where she felt lightheaded; like she was falling.

Yes. Being around Josh was always a little bit like falling.

She also noted his lips, the ones she’d thought about kissing for the better half of her adolescence but only tasted once. 

When Sam saw him in the coffee shop earlier today, all she could think was, ‘ _ This is it. This time we are going to make it work. _ ’ As though they’d waited their whole lives just to end up at that spot in the universe, right then.

They had so many chances, so many missed opportunities. It felt like such a waste.

And then he had to go a pull a typical Josh Washington move like this.

_ Jessica?! _

“Sam?” Her eyes snapped back to his. “Do you… do you feel differently about me... than before?”

The sadness returned to anger quickly. She pushed him back away from her and escaped the corner he’d had her blocked in.

“Nope,” she replied with a snip. “Nothing has changed. I am a bit…  _ surprised,  _ yes. I feel a little  _ misled _ , like this maybe was something you should have, I dunno,  _ told _ me when we were at the bar earli-”

“Wait, please. Explain this to me. Why should I have told you?” Josh pushed; Sam could tell she was grating on his last nerve, now. She recoiled a bit at his sudden intensity as he got in her face. “I didn’t even know you and Jess were close. Let’s be honest, this is because it’s Jess. You never really liked her before and you  _ certainly  _ didn’t like her after the prank-

“Oh, that is  _ so _ not true!”

“-I didn’t even know you were still on this continent,  _ why  _ would I  _ ever _ think she was your roommate??”

“I  _ don’t... _ I don’t know,” Sam practically shouted, overwhelmed with the realization that he was right - who he dated was  _ his _ business. She had plenty of chances to tell him how she felt but it never seemed right. Even still, Sam couldn’t help but feel betrayed for some reason.

“Whatever. I don’t care, Josh. Date whoever you want to, it doesn’t affect me one bit,” she challenged.

“Fine, I will!” he accepted.

“ _ Great!”  _ she snapped, chewing on her lip in contemplation for a moment before she uttered, “But your sisters? They would  _ hate _ this.” Sam didn’t know why she said it. She instantly regretted it once she did. The worst part, however, was the fact that they both knew it was the truth.  

Even still, the very mention of his sisters disapproving of his choices made Josh’s blood boil. 

He leaned in closely again; this time so close that their faces were almost touching.

“Is this about the fact that I’m seeing _ Jessica...  _ or that you don’t get the satisfaction of watching me pine over  _ you  _ anymore?” he mused, and Sam’s mouth snapped shut. It was a bullseye, right to Sam’s heart and Josh instantly loathed himself for it. “Shit, Sam, I’m sorry,” Josh groaned, mortified with himself and rolling his head only to watch her storm off.

“You’re  _ such _ a  _ dick _ ,” she said with a quiver in her voice over her shoulder as she made her way to her room, slamming her bedroom door behind her. Josh stood, his mouth agape as he just tried to process exactly what had just transpired in only a matter of minutes. 

“Draaaaaa- _ maaaa _ …” Jess sang, entering the living room from the kitchen. She placed a glass in Josh’s hand as he stared at Sam’s closed door. “Hi,” Jess smiled, averting his attention back to her. Josh was taken aback when she pressed her lips to his forcibly and pushed him down onto the couch before sliding up next to him. “Wow, I can’t believe she was  _ such _ a bitch to you, after you just got back,” she whispered harshly so Sam wouldn’t hear, her lips puckered over the black straw in her cocktail. She smiled deviously. “Maybe she’s on her period or something…”

“Yeah...maybe,” Josh breathed, his brow furrowed in concern, jutting his thumb back out vaguely in Sam’s direction, “hey, um, why didn’t you tell me Sam was your roommate?” 

“Never came up,” she shrugged off. Then her eyes grew three sizes larger, all-innocence as her hand even dramatically fell over her heart. Josh always had a hard time deciphering her sincerity - there was even a time in his life where he questioned if she even  _ had  _ a heart. 

“Oh, why? Is it, like, weird for you because she was so close with Hannah and Beth because we could totally leave. My friend Lindsay said I could use her beach house anyti-”

"That's okay," Josh said meekly, his mind still not entirely caught up with him yet.

"So, there's not gonna be a problem... you know, with Sam?"

“No… It’s fine,” Josh droned. Jess leaned in closely, clinking her glass with his.

“ _ Good _ ,” she purred, "Because I don't really like to share."

 

* * *

 

When Sam awoke the next morning, she already had that sinking feeling in her stomach and it felt like a canon had blown a hole right through her chest.

It didn’t help that she had tossed and turned and dreamed about Josh all. night. long. 

What was it about not being able to have someone that just made you long for them all the more? 

She was almost scared to get out of bed - she felt the irritation growing inside her and she wasn’t sure she was going to be able to keep her attitude in check when she came out to face Jessica. And worse, she was worried that the most awful scenario might play out if she walked out into the living room to find he had stayed the night. Just the thought of  _ that _ made her instantly lovesick. 

Sam took in a deep breath and braced herself before turning the handle to her bedroom and peeking out into the living room. 

The TV was on and she could smell coffee, which almost made her mouth water. She yawned before stepping out and she could hear Jessica fumbling around in the bathroom, getting ready for class. 

Sam hurried over to the coffee pot to steal a cup quickly before she had to talk to Jess, but she was caught mid-pour.

“ _ Heyyy _ . Mornin’, Sunshine,” Jess smiled brightly, hurrying past Sam to ruffle through her gym bag and pull out her makeup case. “You look tired,” she commented passive-aggressively - that was Jess’ polite way of telling her she looked like crap. 

Sam gave her frienemy a tight-lipped smile that was  _ definitely _ sarcastic, but the gesture was lost on Jess, already brisking back by towards the bathroom.

“Didn’t sleep too well,” Sam said curtly, although she would have preferred to just say nothing at all. She really didn’t want to start a conversation with Jess right now… or maybe ever. She was already wondering how much time she had before class to browse the ‘Rooms For Rent’ section of the school newspaper. There was no way she could stay here, _ now _ .

Sam was about to head back towards her room when her eyes caught Jess’ in the bathroom mirror.

“I hope it’s not gonna be like…  _ awkward  _ or anything,” Jessica said only remotely sincerely as she swept pink blush across her high, rounded cheekbone; Sam folded her arms and leaned against the kitchen countertop.

“Why do you say that?” Sam pressed, but only because she wanted to hear Jessica  _ admit _ that she knew Sam had had feelings for Josh and still pursued him. Worse, that she’d done it behind her back, even. They usually talked about everything - even things Sam would rather not know like how Jess had dated three guys off the Bruin’s football team at the same time and made them compete with each other by buying her presents. She said it was like her own, personal season of _ ‘The Bachelorette.’ _

“Oh, come  _ on _ .” Jess snorted, “You’ve been acting like someone kicked your puppy since you got home last night.”

“Oh, I  _ have _ not,” Sam scoffed, turning away from Jess’ accusatory glare and pouring herself some coffee with shaky hands. She hadn’t _ meant _ to be so obvious. 

“I just wanna make sure you’re fine is all-”

“ _ Why? _ ” Sam snapped, setting her coffee mug down a little too hard. She knew she was getting flustered and Jess could tell. For someone who was never one to articulate her feelings too often, Sam had a hard time keeping them hidden. “Why do you even care?”

“Coz you guys, like, had that weird thing back in high school,” Jess said. Sam just smiled to keep from gritting her teeth and shook her head; she thought by now she would be used to Jess’ selfishness, but she always did something to surprise her. 

“We didn’t have a ‘ _ weird thing’  _ in high school,” Sam defended, trying her best to keep the sneer from her voice but she was getting increasingly upset the more this conversation progressed. She paused, wondering how to explain that what she and Josh had was so much more than a little crush, but Jess took her literally too quickly and retorted with an all-too-happy ‘great!’

Sam stood in silence for a moment, the curiosity overriding the cringiness inside of her, and before she knew it she found herself nearing the doorway to the bathroom and asking, “Why Josh? You could have anyone… why _ him? _ ” Jess rolled her shoulders, leaning forward towards the mirror to apply some mascara, her mouth wide open.

“Why  _ not _ Josh?” she said in mostly vowels. She stood back up straight when she was done, smoothing out her snug-fitting t-shirt and turning to the side to admire her own body - check for any imperfections - before she faced Sam. “He’s cute. I was feelin’ really bad about all that Hannah and Beth stuff-”

“You mean that one time you facilitated a cruel prank and he lost his baby sisters?  _ That _ Hannah and Beth stuff?” Sam wondered facetiously, her head cocked to the side. Jess grinned, running her tongue along the top of her teeth inside her mouth before shifting her weight to her other hip, her arms folded.

“Right. Anyways… I thought I would reach out to him and find out how his Europe trip was going and… it all kinda happened from there. But since… you guys never dated or anything, I figured that should be fine, right?”

“Right. We never dated,” Sam rattled off, reaching past Jess for her toothbrush and squeezing some mint-flavored paste across the bristles. 

“See? I told him you’d be fine,” Jess said, an air of relief in her tone. Sam just inwardly rolled her eyes and began to aggressively scrub at her teeth. “He’s a pretty great kisser,” Jess divulged, and Sam honestly wondered if she was doing this on purpose or if she was really just that dumb to think she wanted to know the details.

Plus, Sam already knew Josh was a good kisser. She didn’t need Jess to tell her.

“He’s taking me to Santiago’s tonight for dinner. I didn’t have the heart to tell him I’m on a liquid diet until nationals-” Jess began to ramble on.

Sam’s eyes narrowed as the wheels in her brain began to turn. She realized she could very easily sabotage this situation if she wanted to - and  _ of course,  _ she wanted to - but a little part of her wondered if maybe Josh was really happy with Jess. 

Sure, it was far-fetched and she was mostly certain that he was only with Jess because she had turned him down in the first place, but if Jess was really making Josh happy… something she wanted for him even if it wasn’t with her… 

Who was she to stand in their way?

Jess smiled at her reflection, obviously happy with the way she looked before she turned to Sam.

“No awkwardness then, right?” she proposed with sparkling, lip-gloss slathered lips.

“Zero awkwardness,” Sam assured her through a full mouth of toothpaste, even though she knew that it was much easier said than done, and she’d been needing to find a new place to live, effective immediately. Because it was one thing to not intervene; it was a whole ‘nother to just sit back and watch it unfold from the sidelines.

 

* * *

 

**“W-w-wait… you’re telling** **_me…_ **

 

Chris laughed but kept his eyes fixated on his cellphone screen, “that you decided to start dating  _ Jess _ to get over  _ Sam _ , only to find out that they’re  _ roommates _ ?” 

“That’s what I said, yeah...” Josh droned, glaring back at his friend, not  _ nearly _ as amused with the situation as Chris was.

“You have _ all _ the luck, my friend,” Chris sighed with a morose headshake. He slapped Josh on the back in mock congratulations. “ _ Alllll  _ the luck.” 

“If you’re not gonna be helpful, maybe keep your comments to yourself,” Josh groaned, hiding under his hood and setting his head down on the cool, smooth, library table. Chris was supposed to be studying for his math exam, but he’d exhausted himself about an hour prior, so now he was just hanging out with Josh until class started. Tired of the distraction, Josh popped his head up and reached for Chris’ phone, but Chris saw it coming and jerked it out of the way.

“Hey,  _ hands off _ .” Josh forgot how territorial Chris was over his gadgets. 

“Well, would you stop staring at that thing and talk to me?” Josh complained.

“Don’t  _ bother _ ,” Ashley said flatly from behind her Psychology book. Josh had almost forgot that the quiet, studious redhead was even there. “He’d have that thing surgically attached to his hand, if he could,” she deadpanned. Chris’ head fell back in fake, exaggerated laughter.

“Except, how would I switch it out when the new upgrade gets here,  _ hmmmmm _ ?” 

“You guys are no help…” Josh grumbled, sliding back in his squeaky, wooden library chair and crossing his arms over his chest frustratedly. Chris shoved his phone in his pocket, rolling his eyes.

“Oh, look at me, I’m  _ Josh _ ,” he mimicked poorly, and Josh felt his face crack into a smirk just anticipating what was going to come next. “Two beautiful girls are in love with me, what am I to do?” Chris slumped a bit when he noticed Ashley staring at him over her textbook with an eyebrow cocked, “I mean, if you’re into blondes… which I’m  _ not _ ,” he assured quietly. Ashley just smiled and averted her eyes back to the pages in front of her. “Anyways, what do you want me to say, man? You’ve been in love with Sam for like,  _ ever _ -”

“And she totally shot me down,  _ remember? _ Was I just supposed to wait around for her to maybe,  _ possibly, _ show some interest?”

“Well...  _ no _ . But you could have maybe - oh, I dunno -  _ not _ started dating her friend, at least…” Ashley pointed out with a casual shrug, her eyes still drinking in the pages in front of her. Josh pointed between the two of them, his eyes wide in realization.

“Oh,  _ I _ get it, now. This is collusion. She already got to you guys. You’re taking  _ her _ side,” he accused. Ashley and Chris shared a brief glance before their eyes flickered back to Josh.

“ _ No one _ is taking her side it’s just… I mean… it’s  _ Jess _ . I’m not so sure what you were thinking, Josh…” Ashley said meekly, but her point strong as ever. “There are billions of women in the world and you date her friend? And you  _ know  _ Sam had a hard time forgiving her after…” she stopped, because no one ever usually finished that sentence. Josh’s shoulders fell a bit and he took in a staggered breath, his eyes finding Chris’ avoidant ones.

“You feel the same way, man? Like I’m making a huge mistake?” he asked and Chris winced.

“If you woulda just told me you were coming home or entertaining the idea of dating  _ Jess _ , I could have at least been able to warn you about them being roommates… or at least the fact that she’s dated almost every dude in Kappa Kappa Gamma...” Chris tsked, pleased when Ashley subdued a giggle. Josh ignored the silly dig and focused on the  _ real _ issue at hand.

“Okay, so, if I’m hearing this right _ , I’m  _ in the wrong here,” Josh said, throwing his arms up exasperatedly.

“Duh!” Ashley and Chris exclaimed in unison. Chris turned in his chair, scooting a little closer to Josh when he noticed a few irritated glances in their direction for carrying on a conversation in the library. He lowered his voice.

“I know you were really hurt when Sam rejected you and all… but her mom was dying. She’d just lost her best friend, you’d just lost your sister… of  _ course  _ she liked you. She’s always liked you. But she couldn’t give you what you wanted. And you  _ bailed _ , dude.” Josh swallowed hard - he knew Chris was right. 

In fact, his poindexter friend usually was. 

“And look bro, if you suddenly have feelings for Jess then, great. I am glad you found someone. But you can’t pretend like you were  _ forced  _ into this. You HAD a choice.”

“Yeah, well… maybe I didn’t  _ feel _ like it was worth waiting around for her anymore.”

Chris and Ashley shared another telepathic glance, not unaware that they were looking into what could possibly be  _ their  _ future if one of them didn’t bite the bullet and say something to the other about their own situation eventually.

“Well… all  _ good _ things are  _ worth  _ waiting for. It’s a cliche for a reason,” Ashley promised, smiling comforting at Josh, but it didn’t seem to make him feel any better.

“I know that!” Josh said loudly, eliciting a few harsh shushes from the people around them. “I mean, it was a stupid idea in the first place. Sure, Jess is hot and all and it was a welcome distraction at the time... But as soon as I saw Sam I  _ knew  _ it was wrong. I was going right over to Jess’ to break it off but I had barely gotten in the apartment before Sam got home and I realized she  _ lived  _ there,” Josh explained.  _ Again. _ “I never meant for her to even find out.”

“Well, I think  _ one _ thing is clear,” Ashley said, dropping her book on the table with a thud - she could hardly pay any attention to it, anyway. “You need to end things with Jess. You’re with her for all the wrong reasons, Josh! You don’t have anything in common! And I’m fairly certain that maybe even a part of you started dating her just to get to Sam.” Josh blinked a few times, and then looked at Chris.

“Oh, she takes one psychology course and suddenly she’s Dr. Bill.” 

“It’s Dr.  _ Phil _ , you moron,” Ashley retorted with a heavy eyeroll and an exhausted smile.

“I think I’m gonna have to agree with Ash, here,” Chris chimed in, timidly. 

“Oh, big surprise,” Josh whooped, but then silenced when he realized Chris was very serious, which was rare for his goofy friend.

“If you let this get any farther with Jess… you realize you’re pretty much forcing the door shut on you and  Sam ever being anything more than friends, right? Because nothing will ever happen between the two of you if you keep seeing Jess. And to be honest… the whole thing  _ sickens _ me,” Chris teased, melodramatically.

“What if I dump Jess and Sam doesn’t want me?” Josh pondered - he knew the answer though. He didn’t want to be with Jess. Not even if Sam didn’t want him. 

“It’s a shitty situation-” Chris sighed.

“A  _ shit _ uation,” Josh snorted, but sobered quickly. 

“No matter how this plays out,” Ashley declared, “someone is going to get hurt. So… figure it out.”   
  


* * *

 

Sam let herself into her apartment, only to come face to face with Josh in her living room. She stared at him for a moment in disbelief and then rolled her eyes, slamming the door shut behind her.

“What… do you like,  _ live _ here now?” she grumbled, mostly to herself, as she dropped her stuff down to the floor. She hurried past him towards her room before he could even answer.

“I tried to call you,” he said loudly after her, and she just smiled wryly at him on her way by.

“I know. I haven’t really been in the mood to chat.” 

“Sam,  _ wait… _ ” Josh choked, and she froze in her steps. She turned towards him, eyes of ice and arms crossed like armor across her heart. She gave him an irritated shrug when he just stared at her and said nothing. “I was kinda hoping I’d get a few minutes alone with you… to, you know. Explain.”

“What?” she snapped. Josh fidgeted with his hands a bit, realizing he had no idea what he was even stopping her for. His mind raced as he came up with something, anything, just to get her to linger a little longer. “I don’t have time for this, I’m going to my room to study,” 

“Um do you remember when I told you I was in love with you?” he blurted, and Sam was surprised how quickly her eyes welled when he said that to her. She blinked the tears away before she turned back towards him.

“What about it?” Josh took a brave step towards her. 

“I um… I realize now that was probably really bad timing and… and I’m sorry I put you in that position.” Sam kept her breathing even as to not give away how flustered she still was. 

“It was nothing,” she said without thinking, and it made both of their stomachs sink a bit. It wasn’t nothing. It was  _ never _ nothing.   

“ _ And _ ... I’m really sorry I didn’t tell you about Jess, either,” he added, a little more apprehensive. The last time they talked about Jess, it didn’t go all that well. “I should have said something to you before but…” He stopped; he wasn’t quite sure how to finish that sentence. How did he tell her that he kept it from her because he never wanted her to find out? He just wanted to end things with Jess and pretend like it never happened.

“ _ But? _ ” she prodded.

“But I guess... I wasn’t sure how serious it was gonna be.” Sam shifted her weight again uncomfortably, her eyes falling from his and her throat growing hoarse as she tried to push herself to ask,

“And… how serious is it?” Josh merely shrugged. 

He didn’t know how to answer that, either. 

Sam snorted ironically and said, “It’s fine.  _ Believe _ me. You aren’t the first man to fall victim to her  _ ‘charms’ _ …” she trailed off, shuddering away images of random dudes fawning all over Jess whenever they’d gone out together - which was rare. She turned from him once more, this time heading towards the kitchen and pulling a beer from the fridge. Josh followed after her slowly, just relieved she was even talking to him at all at this point. She popped the top off of the bottle and took a swig. “Where is the princess, anyway?” she asked, wiping her mouth with her sleeve.

“Training is running late today. She gave me a key,” Josh held up the brass key in his hand as proof of his claim. Sam reached forward and snatched it from him.

“I  _ really  _ don’t think you need to be letting yourself into the apartment,” she said, breezing past him. Josh just chuckled quietly at her as he opened their fridge and retrieved a bottle of beer for himself and cracked it open in typical, unwelcome, Josh fashion. 

“Um, hel- _ lo _ ? Are you gonna ask?” Sam said, bemused. Josh furrowed his brow as he stared at her and paused as he brought the rim of the bottle to his lips. He recalled the summer Sam practically lived with him and his sisters and all of the Dr. Pepper she ingested during that time. For a Vegan he found it funny how fine she was with pouring chemicals down her throat… so long as they didn’t hurt any baby rabbits in the process, right?

“I’m pretty sure you owe me about a million beverages from all those years you stayed over at our house, Miss Thing,” he teased, taking a sip. 

“ _ Whatever _ ,” Sam grunted. She’d had about enough of this already. How was she supposed to stay away from Josh when he was showing up here all the time now? Josh continued to chuckle, which just frustrated her even more and made her stop and ask, “ _ What _ is so  _ funny _ ?”

“You are still  _ so _ pissed at me,” Josh snickered, and Sam wasn’t sure whether to smile or scowl. His throaty, semi-stoner laugh was contagious and it wasn’t fair because she wasn’t done being mad. 

“It  _ just _ happened. It’s not like it’s been a month since I found out, Josh! I was totally blindsided!” Sam exclaimed, her voice more shrill than she had wanted it to be.

“Okay, so you’re  _ not _ mad,” Josh clarified, but he knew she was lying. “You’re just yelling at me and getting all teary-eyed and acting completely different than you ever have towards me for  _ no _ reason at all…” he sounded off, sarcastically.

“Josh, for the last time: I’m fi-”

“You’re fine.  _ Rightrightright _ . I know,” Josh uttered under his breath, waving her off dismissively. “But…  _ why _ would you be mad,  _ if  _ you were mad?” 

Sam wasn’t sure how to answer that question without damning herself. And she had promised herself not to do anything to get in the way of Jess and Josh - she just planned on letting it fall apart on its own. She figured they’d destroy each other eventually.

Sam tried to pinpoint the root of all of her heartache in the starkest, most simplistic form.

“Because... I miss my best friend.”

“I never stopped being your best friend, Sam.”

“Best friends tell each other things like this. Best friends don’t  _ hurt _ each other.” 

Josh’s face and heart fell. 

Sam turned to leave, only to be surprised by Josh grabbing a hold of her hand and keeping her from walking off. Her eyes trailed down to his hand clasping onto hers, and there was a flutter in her chest. 

For some reason, she couldn’t bring herself to pull away from him this time, even though she wanted to. 

He bent down towards her, his eyes connecting with hers and his voice low as he promised her, “I  _ never _ meant to hurt you, Sammy.” 

Sam said nothing, but her eyes said she knew. Of  _ course _ she knew. He let her wrist slip from his fingers as he stepped back from her.

“I never meant to make you doubt the way I felt about you,” she confessed, almost so quietly it was barely a confession at all.

Josh felt his breath escape him, “ _ felt? _ ” he wondered aloud.

“ _ Feel, _ ” she corrected, only to watch her cheeks flush for having been so honest with him for once. Once she did, she realized it hadn’t been that hard after all. 

“Sam, if I had known that you felt even  _ remotely _ the same way about me as I feel about you, I never would have let anything happen with Jessica... _ please _ tell me you know that.” 

Sam tucked her blonde hair behind her ear, leaning on the counter for support because she feared her knees might fail her. She cleared her throat and composed herself, even though inside she thought she might be dying. She could see in his eyes that he felt the same way, too.

“Well…” she sighed, wrapping her arms around herself and trying in vain to keep the sob in her throat. “I guess it doesn’t really matter how we feel anymore... right?” she said, but it came out with a sad hopefulness. 

“W-why’s that?”  _ Of course it mattered. _

“It doesn’t matter because you’re with Jess now, Josh. And…” she was losing her train of thought when he looked at her like that, so intense and brooding. She shook it off as best as she could. “And I shouldn’t even be having this _ conversation _ with you. It isn’t  _ right _ …” Josh’s head fell back and he stifled a humorless laugh, leaving Sam to once again wonder what it was he found so amusing. 

It was the fact that it  _ wasn’t  _ right. 

Nothing about this whole stupid situation was right. He should be with Sam, not Jess. And it was  _ his _ fault. Suddenly what Ashley and Chris had said to him in the library made so much more sense. He had no one to blame but himself.

Josh wasn’t so sure what he was thinking when he stepped closer to her, resting his hand on her cheek and brushing his thumb along the smoothness. Maybe he just wanted to know what she felt like. He leaned down, his breath mingling with hers, and Sam was torn because as much as she wanted to let him kiss her, she couldn’t. 

Not while he was with Jessica.

She wasn’t that kind of girl - that’s part of what he loved about her.

“You’re  _ taken _ ,” she said in a whisper with every bit of internal strength she could muster. Josh’s hand dropped slowly. “How we feel about each other doesn’t  _ matter _ because you’re taken. You made that choice, Josh. Not me,” she told him. Josh simply nodded.

Sam wriggled out from beneath him, picking up her beer and walking towards her bedroom again, this time with the intention of actually making it there, before anything else could happen between them. 

“I’m ending things with her,” Josh promised, calling after her somberly when she reached her doorway.

“Well… call me when you do,” She smiled weakly and shut her bedroom door behind her and it was the hardest thing she’d ever had to do in her life.

Josh stood in the silence, figuring out just where to go from here. Because, just like Chris had warned him - if he didn’t end things with Jess, he would ruin any chance he ever had with Sam forever.

* * *

 

_ To Be Continued… _

 


	4. The Homecoming Pt. 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: The Homecoming pt. III
> 
> Synopsis: Sam is surprised to bump into Josh Washington at a campus coffee shop - last she knew he was backpacking through Europe to distract himself from the grief of his missing sisters. Now, he's back in town to get on with his life and face reality - and visit his girlfriend, of course. If you like those cheesy rom-coms where everything coulda been fixed with a simple conversation, this is the story for you.
> 
> Genre: Comedy, Romance, Angst
> 
> Timeline: Post-Prank, Pre-Game Events
> 
> Pairings: [Josh/Sam] Chris/Ashley
> 
> Rating: T
> 
> A/N: Here's the last of this lil 3-part ficlet. THB I'm over it anyway, ready to finish and post my one-shots again. Sorry it took so long - I've just had a lot of other things going on. Like my wedding in 5 days...
> 
> Oh, I had a guest reviewer who was a little confused, so I will reiterate: Although the name of this fic is "Connected," none of the stories are unless specified. Each one is to be treated as its own universe and premise. I will be doing Pre-Game events, Post-Game events, even ones that parallel or change parts of the game. The synopsis (^^^) will always clarify the setting, time, coupling, premise, ect. The ones that are connected will be posted in parts (hence why this is part III of the Homecoming ficlet). So yes! This is the fic that will never end. I'm sure you get it, though. So I will get on with the story so we can all move onto the next, shall we?

 

* * *

" _ **Hey... you guys heard from Josh, lately?"**_

Sam twirled her pencil between her fingers apprehensively as she sat across from Chris and Ashley in the cafe on campus. The two glanced at one another nervously, then back at Sam and she groaned, dropping her face in her hands, narrowly poking her own eye out.

"He's gonna stay with her, isn't he?" she lamented.

" _Hey,_ don't think like that-" Ash offered, comfortingly.

"He's gonna stay with her and father her stupid but beautiful babies and live _happily ever after_ -" she continued to mumble into her palms. Chris snorted and rolled his eyes at the melodrama of it all.

"Uhhh...That's a little bit of a stretch, doncha think, Sam? Jess has had like 15 boyfriends in 6 months. It's _not_ gonna last."

Sam popped her head up suddenly, taking Chris and Ash by surprise.

"I just don't get it, you know? We had this… this _moment_ the other night and he told me he was going to end things with her and then… _nothing_. I haven't heard from him or _Jess_ for like two days. Has he… has he said anything to you?" Sam stared at them from under low, disappointed eyebrows.

_This._

This right here was why she had _never_ told Josh how she felt in the first place. She _hated_ feeling this way, feeling this vulnerable.

But more than all that, she mostly just felt _stupid_.

She was _so_ sure they shared something that night.

Chris sighed, leaning forward on his elbows against the table as though he were about to deliver her some bad news. Sam's stomach and heart sunk.

" _Look…_ I talked to him yesterday. He was _going_ to end things with Jess but-" he paused, hesitant to continue. Sam fell back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest.

" _But?_ " she pushed, cocking an eyebrow. She was very curious what could have changed between that night and now. She writhed in her chair impatiently. "Oh, come on! What is it?"

"I guess Jess' grandma died..."

"Oh." Sam uttered. Jess hadn't been home for the last few days but that wasn't uncommon - she would go to cheer-related conventions and conferences all the time - many of which were spread throughout California or even other states. At first Jess used to tell Sam when she would be going out of town, but with the tension between them now and how often she was gone, Sam hadn't thought much about it.

"Yeah, Josh went to tell her but I guess she got the call right in the middle of dinner. He didn't have the heart to after that…" Ashley explained.

Sam felt selfish now - although there had been no way of knowing this was happening. She exhaled, feeling a little relieved that there was an explanation for this, but also slightly disheartened that even still, she hadn't heard from Josh since that night.

"Why didn't he tell me?" Sam wondered. Chris offered another shrug.

"Something about not wanting to call you or see you til he had something good to report." Made sense; Sam had told him to call her _after_ he ended things with Jess. So why did she feel so lousy? Chris checked his watch and stood, hoisting the backpack beside him onto his shoulder. He pointed at Sam.

"You really gotta relax, Jensen," he told her, a smirk in his eyes. "You are literally all he's wanted since we were kids. He's not gonna choose her. It was never even a competition - it's always been you." Sam felt her smile return, albeit a weak one. She waved him off, just wishing she could be as sure as he was.

Once Chris had taken off, Ashley scooted into his chair so she could be closer to Sam. It was a tad awkward at first, since Sam and Ashley had never really been all that close, but Sam was still thankful for the company - less time to meander around in her own thoughts.

"You okay?" Ash nudged, and Sam replied with a small shrug.

"It's just not fair, you know? Like… of _course_ I've always had feelings for him… but now that I really can't have him, it's like I want him even more. I hate feeling this way."

"It'll get better soon," Ashley offered generically, and Sam could only laugh and roll her eyes.

"Easy for you to say. Chris is, like, _ridiculously_ available." Sam folded her lips after she said it, forgetting that she had never really openly discussed the little song and dance between Chris and Ashley - at least not with one of the guilty parties. She felt bad when Ashley blushed and hid behind her equally red hair.

"We'll see you at the party tonight, right?" Ashley changed the subject, and Sam was actually grateful. She didn't want to make this moment any more uncomfortable than she already had. She perked up, sitting up.

"What party?"

"Everyone's in town for the weekend - we're all meeting at Matt's parent's house."

" _Everyone?_ " Sam said, apprehensively.

"I'm sure it won't be _that_ bad. I don't even think Jess is back in town yet. Maybe Josh will be there and you two will have some time to talk…"

"Yeah," Sam breathed, glancing back down at her partially done homework assignment. "Maybe…"

"And if not, at least you'll see some of your old friends, right?" Ashley added, optimistically. Sam wasn't feeling very 'up' for a party - she wasn't even sure she felt like sitting here with Ashley anymore. Even though she'd been avoiding it before, maybe she _did_ just need some time alone to think. Even if she did see Josh tonight at Matt's party, what could she even say?

* * *

_**"Why hasn't he called yet?"** _

The deafening silence of the apartment didn't help much, either, so instead Sam neglected her homework some more and turned on some mindless TV show just to lose herself for a little bit, get out of her own head.

As fate would have it, she chose some teen drama that just reminded her of everything she was going through, anyway. It always seemed so simple when it was happening to some beautiful people on a television show - there was always that promise that they'd end up together in the end.

Suddenly, Jess came crashing through the front door, dropping her things in the entryway with a thud. Sam muted the TV, sitting up straight on the couch and watching Jess as she barrelled past her and into her room without even acknowledging Sam at all. She thought for a moment about calling out to her - after all, she was clearly upset and her grandma _had_ just died.

Then, she heard Jess yelp and whimper from the other room, so with a roll of her eyes (and an annoying near-constant urge to help those in trouble), Sam got off the couch and walked into Jess' disaster of a bedroom to see her hopping around on one foot.

"Ow, ow, ow, ow, OW!" she whined. Sam crossed her arms, leaning against the doorframe.

"What's wrong?" she asked, trying in vain to muster up some sympathy for her friend, but her tone falling far too flat.

"I stubbed my toe," she moaned, sitting on the end of her bed and assessing the damage. Her eyes widened as she studied her toe, irritatedly adding, " _And_ chipped my pedicure." She looked up towards the heavens, dramatically yelling out, "whyyyy do bad things only happen to me!" before falling backwards on her bed, which was covered in at least 100 articles of clothing. Sam sighed, knowing she needed to put the Josh stuff aside and be there for her friend, no matter what was going on between the two of them at this moment.

Sam walked into the room, plopping down beside her, fearing she might disappear within the giant heap of clothes scattered all over Jess' bed.

"I heard about your grandma," she said softly, "I'm really sorry. When I lost my mom-"

"Are you kidding?" Jess said, trying to stifle a laugh. She turned to her side, propping herself up with her elbow. "My grandma was the _worst_."

"Oh," Sam uttered beneath furrowed brow. "Well… um… okay then."

"No really. She was super old and cranky and _really_ racist-" Jess rambled, running her perfectly manicured fingers through her golden hair. She stuck out her lip in a pout. "Josh dumped me."

Sam's eyes grew, the words getting choked up in her throat, only allowing her to emit a squeaky, " _oh?_ " Jess nodded, studying her fingernails and not looking all that concerned. "W- _why_?"

"I dunno, he likes someone else. I don't even care," she rambled, and it was clear in her tone that much was true. Sam brought her knees up to her chest, desperately wanting to know the details but not really wanting to push her.

"Did he say who?" she asked curiously. She assumed not, since she would have probably been in the direct line of Jessica's fire if he had.

"Doesn't matter," Jess sighed, her baby blue eyes finding Sam's green ones. "I shouldn't have gone out with him anyway - he's got some issues. He has _not_ dealt with Hannah and Beth at all. Wayyyyy too much baggage for me," she deduced. Sam didn't say anything to that - Josh had always been a complicated guy. It was one of the many things she liked about him. "I just can't believe he dumped me. _Totally_ backwards…"

To that, Sam wanted to grab her and shake her and tell her, "he's too good for you!"  
But she didn't.

"Well… anyways, old and cranky or not... I'm sorry your grandma's dead," Sam attempted, once again, to show her friend some compassion.

"Thanks but… _I'm_ not. I'm rich! She left me like 50k."

Sam's eyes narrowed and she shook her head, uttering out a quiet, "unbelievable."

"I know, right?" Jess laughed, popping up to her feet. She smoothed out her top, glancing in the mirror before turning back to Sam. "Anyways, I'm going out to celebrate. Wanna come?" It's incredibly inappropriate…. Incredible macabre… incredibly _Jessica_. Sam shook her head.

"No, I'm supposed to meet the gang at Matt's-" Jessica's gasp cut off Sam's words, and Sam instantly regretted telling her at all.

"That's right! Matty's party! I'm gonna need to go get a new dress…"

Sam sighed once again, realizing that Jess was… well, Jess. She was always this way, and she would always be this way. And at least now she'd taken her claws out of Josh.

Jess turned to her once more, a look of rare sincerity on her face, "I'm glad we can put this whole Josh thing behind us, now. I know you were upset. Believe me, it's not worth it." Against Sam's wishes, Jess pulled her in for a forced hug before heading back out towards the front door, leaving Sam to wonder just what the hell happened.

* * *

_**Knock knock knock** _

At first Sam thought that Jess had just forgotten something, but then she realized that Jess would have just let herself in, if that were the case.

_Josh._

Her heart and her mind thought it simultaneously, but she didn't want to get her hopes up. Sam stood from the couch and hurried over to the door, peeking through the peephole.

Sure enough, her heart shot up into her throat when she saw Josh waiting nervously on the other side. She opened the door, trying her best to play things off much cooler than she felt, but she knew her red cheeks were more than likely giving her away at this point.

"Hey, hi," she said, unable to commit to just one greeting. Josh smirked a bit when he saw how flustered she was - it always made him feel special whenever he elicited this kind of reaction from her.

"Greetings and salutations." Sam was equally torn between wanting to fall into his arms and lash out at him for taking so long, so instead she folded her arms over her chest.

"Jess isn't here," she told him. Josh paused, his eyes narrowing before he shook his head, slowly.

"I'm... not here to see Jess…" Sam's frown twitched. She knew that. And it was impossible to keep her own grin from growing.

"Well… come inside then."

To say it was awkward was an understatement.

The two walked in a few feet, then stood in silence, save for Sam's movie still droning on in the background. She wanted to offer him a drink, but remembered she'd cleaned the apartment out of booze over the last few days, waiting to hear from him. Once she started thinking about that, all the waiting and the anguish, she began to feel herself getting upset again.

"So-" he started.

"Can I just ask," Sam said abruptly, turning around to face Josh and catching him off guard. "Why Jess? Is it because she's pretty? It can't be because she's _smart-_ "

Josh stepped forward and the intensity in his eyes made Sam instantly shut up. Suddenly she wasn't so sure why she was mad anymore. They'd both done their share of jerking each other around - she wasn't innocent either. _Why_ he'd began to date Jess in the first place shouldn't matter anymore. All that should matter was the fact that he ended it, just like she'd asked.

His hand came up to the side of her neck, his thumb softly grazing along her jaw. She instinctively leaned in to it, having wanted so badly for this to happen for so long, but she froze when he began to lean down towards her, their noses almost grazing.

"Hoooold on there, buddy," Sam insisted, her hands coming up to press lightly against his flanneled chest to keep him from coming any closer. A perplexed Josh simply stared back at her. Sam shook her head, and although she meant what she was about to say, there was no malice in her words, "don't just think you can come in here and kiss me and it'll all be better-"  
  
"But… I did what you told me to-"  
  
"I know," Sam said quickly, and that much _was_ true. But all the Jess stuff aside, she still couldn't help the way her heart both swelled and ached as he stared down at her with those eyes. Those sad, deep eyes that pulled her in every time - it almost wasn't fair. But she couldn't forget the way he left.

Worse, the way he came _back._

"Josh," she began weakly, unsure just how to spill the contents of her heart when he looked at her that way. And he knew that, too. He knew she wanted this as much as he did and that every moment they spent apart was a moment too long, too unnecessary. He was right here now. He wanted her to see that. To trust that.

Josh came in closer again, and Sam felt her will bending more and more as he lightly pressed his forehead to hers, his hands reaching up to envelope hers as they still pushed against him - although, not with as much force as before. Sam closed her eyes; she could feel his breath on her cheek as she turned her head just slightly away from him, although never breaking contact.

"Sam… I'm so sorry I wasn't there for you when your mom-" Sam's breath escaped her, her will almost breaking altogether. He shook his head lightly, hers followed. "You were… so amazing when my sisters went missing. It was selfish of me to leave you when I did, just because you couldn't be what I wanted you to be."

Sam opened her eyes to see his green ones staring back into hers, reflections of one another. She swallowed, "and what was that?" It was hard to be mad at him when he held such a significant piece of her heart - he always had.

Josh smirked at her, albeit shyly, "truth is, I've been in love with you since I was 14 years ol-"

Josh's words were silenced by Sam's lips, clumsily but forcibly crashing against his. Josh was certainly caught off guard, but after the initial shock, he eased into it quickly. His arms slinked low around her waist, bringing her body to his as both their kiss and their longing deepened into almost a feverish frenzy.

Josh couldn't stop thinking, ' _this is real. This is happening. I'm kissing Sam-_ ' over and over again in his head. He'd waited for this moment - one he thought would never come - for what felt like an eternity. It wasn't anything like kissing any other girl he'd been with before.

This was _Sam._

Josh was surprised when Sam was the first to break the kiss, her eyes scanning his face questioningly, but her arms still wrapped around his neck.

"Wait," she said huskily and slightly out of breath. He could feel her heartbeat thumping against his chest - or maybe that was his. "How long have you been broken up with Jess?" Josh let go of her just enough to glance down at his watch on his wrist.  
  
"Um… 2 hours, 13 minutes _aaaaannd…_ 17 seconds."

"We're terrible people." They stood there, still intertwined and silent for a moment, really reflecting on that - although, Sam was having a much harder time coming to grips with it than Josh was.

"Oh, what the hell," Josh breathed, his mouth covering hers again and that little voice in the back of Sam's head was silenced right away. She pushed him back towards the vacant and waiting couch, their bodies colliding upon it but their kiss never ceasing.

Sam felt dizzy. Josh felt drunk.

Josh laid Sam back, pausing their kiss long enough to stare down at her flushed and wistful face, really taking in all that she was. He still couldn't believe this was actually happening. He leaned down to kiss her again, but Sam stopped him.

"Josh?" she choked out. He ran his thumb along her smooth, silky cheek. "Josh I've wanted this for a really long time," she confessed quietly. Josh said nothing; she already knew how he felt about her. Instead, his lips returned to hers softly, his fingers interlacing with hers-

And then,

"Hey, did I leave my cell pho-"

The instant recognition of that voice made Sam and Josh both freeze, their eyes reluctantly wandering up and over to the shocked blonde now standing in the entryway of the apartment, her gaze burning into the pair.

"Oh. Nice guys," Jess spat sarcastically. " _Real_ nice." She turned and stormed out, the door slamming behind her.

Josh and Sam stared at the front door blankly, their stomachs in knots. They broke free of one another, scooting to opposite sides of the couch shamefully.

The silence was thick until Josh shrugged, "well...I mean…. She had to find out somehow…" Sam scoffed out a quick, nervous laugh.

"That's not funny," she muttered.

" _You_ laughed," he droned back at her, a dry smile creeping across his lips.

Sam cradled her head in her hand and groaned, the guilt beginning to really grow more and more as she reluctantly replayed the moment in her head, over and over and over again.

"I feel like such a horrible person," she told him again. Josh turned towards her, his arm stretching across the back of the couch, filling the space between them to lightly graze her shoulder comfortingly.

"Hey… c'mon. You're not a horrible person. It's Jess. I mean… she'll get over it. Her rebound rate is remarkable." When Sam didn't respond, Josh scooted back over to her, his arm now wrapping around her and bringing her close to him.

"Sam," he said, low, his breath circling her ear. "Jess knew how you felt about me. She knew how I felt about _you_. She _had_ to know this might happen…" Sam let her body melt into his, the side of her head pressing into his shoulder.

"Not 2 hours after you dumped her," she replied dryly and it made Josh chuckle. Then, Sam remembered, "You know we're gonna have to see her tonight, right? For the party?" Josh sighed loudly, his grip on her loosening.

"I mean… but do we have to, really? We could just stay here… do a little more of this," he suggested coyly, placing a kiss on her jaw. Sam smiled, but she wouldn't let herself be tempted to skip out on facing everyone now.

"We have to see our friends, we're never in the same place at the same time anymore," Sam told him. "Plus… it'll just be worse if we don't go." Josh leaned back into the cushions of the couch, defeated because he knew she was right.

"How long til we gotta go?" Josh relented, and Sam glanced at the clock.

"We have some time."

"Sorry I ruined your friendship with Jessica," Josh then said. Sam thought for a moment before giving him a slight shrug.

"Eh… we weren't that close anyway." And with that said, Sam's lips searched out Josh's once more.

* * *

" _ **Whoa-ho-ho! What is this I see?"**_

Chris approached Josh and Sam, greeting them by the door when they walked in to Matt's party, a drink in hand.

"Showing up at a party together? Guilty faces? If I didn't know any better, I'd suspect that Josh traded in one blonde for another-"

"Shhh!" Josh and Sam both hissed in unison.

"We don't need you drawing attention to it, okay?" Josh explained, and Chris just cocked an eyebrow at his best friend. "What?" Josh snapped.

"Then, may I suggest you guys not be holding hands right now?" he quipped, and both Sam and Josh's eyes trailed down to their interlocked fingers. They quickly broke apart.

"When did _that_ happen?" Josh whispered to Sam, her eyes wide.

"I dunno, I thought _you_ did it…"  
  
"Veeeery inconspicuous, guys. Great Job. _Bra_ -vo," Chris mocked as he slow clapped.

"Cut it out," Sam whined through a laugh, punching a fist lightly into his shoulder.

"Ow, no need for such brutality, Jensen," he teased. Josh pointed at him.

"You know, we're gonna get you back when you finally get the balls to ask Ashley-"  
  
"Ask me what?" the redhead said suddenly, appearing behind Chris, whose face was instantly painted white. Sam and Josh contained their chuckles as they watched Chris stutter and stammer over his words, Ashley just staring at him, wide-eyed and innocent.

"Do… you… have the notes from today's lecture?" he finally decided on. Ashley's face fell a bit.

"Oh, yeah. I'll give them to you in the morning." With that, Ashley left to go get herself a drink and Chris glared back at a very amused Sam and Josh.

"You guys are assholes, you know that?" He asked, pointing between the two of them.

"Yeah, well, you wouldn't be the first one to think that about us today, that's for sure," Sam mumbled into the cup of booze Josh handed her. Chris' eyes lit up.

"Oh, don't assume that everyone here hasn't already heard _alllll_ about that," he snorted.

"I'm assuming Jess is already here, then?"

" _Ohhhh yeah_. Hey, have you guys ever thought about locking your door?" he mused, shrugged. "Maybe not making out in a public domain? No?" The blush on their cheeks was a clear indicator of their guilt. Chris waved his hand at them, dismissively, " _Ohhh_ , re- _lax_. Everyone's happy for you. Even Emily. And she's not happy for anyone these days…"

Sam smiled at the mention of her friend. She hadn't seen her in what felt like forever now.

"Em's here? Where?"

"Over by the-" Chris didn't even get to finish before Sam spotted her, hurrying over to her and leaving Josh and Chris behind.

Emily was scowling, more so than usual, as she sipped her drink and glared across the room at Mike - Sam had recently heard about the epic break up, but she didn't know any of the details. She approached with caution.

"Hi, Em." Emily's face softened when she saw Sam, even offering her a small smile.

"Heyyyy," she greeted, pulling her in for a hug.

"How's NYU?"

"It's good. I think New York suits me," Emily bragged to her, and Sam instantly imagined Emily trudging through the crowds of people, her naturally unpleasant attitude fitting right in. _Hey, I'm walkin' here!_ Emily took another gulp of her drink, this time finishing it off. "I'm transferring back to the west coast, though. I miss the sun. I'm so pasty since I moved to New York."

Sam laughed quietly, enjoying the distraction from her guilty conscience. That is, until Emily turned toward her with a sly smile and narrowed eyes.

"So. I hear my good friend Samantha is a homewrecker," she teased, nudging her playfully.

"Whelp, news sure travels fast…" Sam muttered, staring into her drink to avoid Emily's accusing gaze.

"When it comes to Jess, yeah!" Emily exclaimed, and Sam could tell Em was a little tipsy. "That girl has a big mouth in more ways than one, if ya know what I mean." Same ignored the jibe. She was used to the creative and colorful ways Emily chose to phrase her insults.

"I feel awful," Sam confessed, staring blankly across the room, wondering when she would see Jess, anyway. Emily shook her head.

"Why? Jess _knew_ Josh was in love with you. _Everyone_ did. To be honest, we were all just kinda waiting for _you_ to catch up," Emily's gaze wandered back to Mike, who was talking to Jess at that very moment. Sam's stomach sank when she actually saw her. She looked fine though, giggling and batting her eyelashes at Mike. "She snagged him just to see if she could…" Emily added to her previous statement, watching the same scene unfold that Sam was.

Sam felt bad for Emily, even if she was a bit of a bitch, there was never a doubt how much she loved Mike… and naturally, when she thought about love, her thoughts wandered back to Josh, an involuntary smile cracking across her face. Emily caught her.

"You seem really happy," Emily noted, and it really seemed like she was genuinely happy for her friend.

"I am… but I still feel bad for how Jess had to find out about Josh and I-"

"Please," Emily scoffed, rolling her eyes and waving Sam off. "Jess and Mike have been hooking up every time she goes up to San Francisco - the bastard was cheating on me for months before I had the wonderful opportunity of catching them making out in his apartment when I flew out there to surprise him for our anniversary." Sam gasped, turning to her friend.

" _That's_ why you guys broke up?!"

"Yuuup," Emily said, filling her cup again. "Bitch deserved what she got. Talk about karma…" Sam felt a little bit better, and she was excited to tell Josh what she'd just learned, until it hit her.

"Wait, Em, Jess was just in San Francisco… like, even after she was dating Josh."  
  
"Yeah, well, Mike and Jess have been messing around regularly for months. So…"

"You didn't deserve that. I'm really sorry, Em-" Sam empathized, but Emily just smiled weakly at her.

"Don't be sorry. You got her back for me, so at least there's that, right?" Although Sam didn't much care for being the one to hurt Jess, she had to admit Jessica had it coming.

Emily excused herself to the bathroom, and Sam made her way back over to Josh and Chris, who'd now met up with Matt.

"Hey Matty. Cool party," Sam complimented, and Matt simply clinked their plastic cups together in a cheers.

"How was your chat with little Miss Sunshine?" Chris joked, obviously poking fun at Emily's less-than-sunny demeanor. "She still reeling from the break up?"

"Uh, yeah. Did you guys know that Jess and Mike were hooking up while he was with Emily?" Sam asked, and all the guys fell silent - it was clear they did.

Sam took turns smacking each of them on the arm.

"What! How could you not tell her?"

"I didn't know," Josh defended, rubbing his arm where she'd hit him.

"Bro code, Sam," Chris sighed. "It's a shitty thing, but we don't rat eachother out. That's just how it goes…"

"Don't ask, don't tell," Josh nodded in agreement. Sam scoffed in semi-disgust, but she wasn't really all that surprised.

"Well, Josh, did you know that Jess had a standing date with Mike every time she went to San Francisco?" Josh snorted into his drink, shaking his head, but then it clicked.

"She was just in San Francisco…"

Sam nodded.

"Ohhhhh…" Matt and Chris whooped, realizing that their friend had been played.

"Good thing you didn't actually care about her, right man?" Matt laughed. Josh's eyes locked onto Sam's, he gave her a grin.

"Yeah… good thing."

"So Jess is the reason ' _Emichael'_ is no more…" Chris pondered. "Like sand through the hourglass… these are the days of our lives," he added dramatically. The four friends couldn't help but laugh at the melodrama of it all.

"Wait," Matt cut in suddenly, his eyes wide, "does this mean Emily's single now?"

"Um… yeah," Sam shrugged. "Why?"

"See ya guys." Matt handed Josh his drink and cut across them, beelining for Emily across the room. Sam, Josh, and Chris all watched on as an unimpressed Emily broke a smile, the two of them striking up a conversation.

" _Looks like the start of something…_ " Chris sang.

"Yeah, when are you gonna get a move on?" Josh asked, nodding over at Ashley, who was sitting alone on the couch looking quite nervous and out of place.

"I dunno, man-" Chris began. Sam handed Chris two fresh drinks.

"Just go talk to her. She's all alone, she doesn't know anyone that well. You don't have to make a move, but you definitely need to be a good friend," Sam suggested. Chris sighed before taking the red solo cups from Sam's hand, bravely turning and heading over to Ashley on the couch.

"All of our little babies are growing up and banging," Josh said like a proud parent, his arm falling over Sam's shoulders. She huffed out a brief laugh, turning to face him.

"Are you sad Jess probably cheated with Mike?" she asked him. He shook his head.

"No, because now I don't feel bad for doing this-" Josh leaned down and placed a soft, lingering kiss on her lips. "I'm glad things worked out the way they did."

"Me too," she smiled brightly.

"Who knows, maybe if I hadn't dated Jess, we'd still be tiptoeing around our feelings…"

" _Maybe_. But I think from now on we should just be open and honest, tell each other everything," Sam said definitevely.

And for a split second, Josh wondered if he should tell her about all the new renovations he'd made at his parent's lodge. Maybe let her in on the big prank he'd been planning the whole time he was in Europe - which was only half the time he'd said he was. After all, there was only a few months until February. And he could use a partner in crime.

But when he looked into her eyes that stared up at him hopefully, deep pools of green and goodness, he knew she'd try to stop him.

"Promise?" she asked him. Josh nodded.

"Promise."

* * *

_Fin_


	5. Long & Lost

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Title: Long & Lost
> 
> Genre: Angst/Hurt/Comfort
> 
> Timeline: Post Game Events
> 
> Pairings: Pre-Game Canon couplings
> 
> Rating: T
> 
> A/N: This is a short one. Enjoy.

* * *

_Lost in the fog, these hollow hills_  
Blood running hot, night chills  
Without your love I'll be  
So long and lost, are you missing me?  
Is it too late to come on home?

_-Florence and the Machine_

* * *

_**Blackwood Police Department Interrogation Room #1 - (4 hours after dawn)** _

"Were you close with the Washington boy?"

The loaded question knocks something loose inside of her. Unnerves her.

Not that the cold, menacing interrogation room wasn't already doing a good enough job of that. She sucks in a short breath. How does she sum it all up in a mere statement? Forever filed away in a cabinet in the Blackwood Country Police Station outlining the worse night of her life? The words burn like acid in her throat as she formulates the thoughts in her head.

"...I thought… I _thought_ we were close." Pain grips her heart when she really allows herself to think about it. Until now, she'd done _everything_ she could _not_ to think about Josh. When Mike told her what happened, she'd been in such a state of survival she really hadn't digested it yet. She still wanted a few more moments of blissful ignorance without imagining him down there, cold and lifeless.

She can tell the investigator is awaiting more of a response, so she finds the will to continue.

"After his sisters disappeared, he'd come and talk to me. He said I was the only one who understood him. I thought…" She pauses. She doesn't know what she thought, anymore.

_Don't let the panic set in. Don't let it in-  
_

Her eyes blur with tears, but she promises herself she will _not_ cry. No. Not until she has reason to. Not until they tell him they've found a body.

That he's _really_ gone.

"I thought we had a connection."

The investigator can tell she's getting emotional. She blinks away the wetness in her eyes.

"If you need someone to talk to-"

"I'm fine."

_I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fine. I'm fin-  
_

"Sometimes after a traumatic experience-"

"I said I'm _fine_ ," she snaps. If he doesn't drop it, she knows she won't be fine. Once Sam has the time to truly process it all, she knows she will never be fine again.

There's only one thing on her mind, now: someone needs to go down there and get him out. They won't let her, she already tried. The only way she can help Josh now is to tell them.

"You need to _listen_ to me. I don't care if you believe me or not. Doesn't matter. Because you _will_. You need to go down to the mines."

"What's in the mines, Sam?"

_Terrifying monsters? The remains of my friends? A huge piece of me I'm scared I'll never get back.'_

"I've seen what's down there... and I'd give anything to unsee it."

* * *

_**Blackwood Police Department - (6 hours after dawn)** _

Sam exhales.  
  
It feels like the first breath of her life. Or, more poignantly, the first breath of the _rest_ of her life. Nothing in Sam's world will ever be like it was before. Her life will be forever split into two categories from hereon out: life before February 2nd... and _everything_ else after.

One thick, bloody line between two realities.

Her wavering breath is as tired and strained as her aching body. She _wants_ to cry so badly it almost hurts. It bubbles deep down in her belly and rattles her ribcage. It won't come, though. Sam knows herself well enough.

She's too tired to cry. Too tired to think. Too tired to process anything that's happened to her.

Dirt and blood have dried under her fingernails. She picks at the debris absently. Her forehead still stings from her cuts. Her clothes smell mildew and scorched earth. She wants to wash away all the evidence of the worst night of her life, but at the same time she wants to wear it as a battle scar forever.

Her exhausted eyes roam around at her friends - she both wants to never let them go and never see them again. She wonders if what they say is true: that time will heal all wounds. She can't imagine that ever happening, now. Every thought in her mind is a contradiction so vast she wishes she could just shut it off entirely.

' _Survivors.'_

She _hates_ that word.

It means that she is alive, but it doesn't mean she is still in one piece. Everything inside of her feels broken now, even if she is still living and breathing. Nothing feels more broken than her spirit and her heart.

She saved herself. She couldn't save him - in more ways than one.

" _I'm glad, you know… that_ _you_ _came, Sam."  
_

Words echo in her head like the haunting cries of a ghost. No one will ever be the same. Everyone will be plagued with fear and memories of monsters and maniacs… but she will forever be haunted by the ghost of _him_. It's a tough pill to swallow. It tastes too much like regret and all the words she never said.

Even in the room full of people, Sam is alone.

Chris lets silent tears roll down his cheeks. He holds onto Ashley as though she is his life preserver, keeping him from floating away. Mike comforts a sleeping Jess, their superficial wounds not outweighing her internal ones. Emily grips Matt by his jacket - the one she hated so badly - as though she's afraid of _ever_ letting him go again.  
Sam only has Josh's blue, checkered flannel to hold onto.

Some searchers found it in the back room of the shed with a few of his other belongings. Surely it was where he changed into his maniac attire for the prank. Chris told her she should have it.

She eyed him, questioningly. He stared back at her, knowingly.

It still smells like him.

Sam looks at the chair beside hers - _hard_ and _cold_ and _plastic_ and _empty_.

One year ago exactly, Josh sat in that chair while they waited for his parents to arrive. Tears streaked his face as he rocked back and forth, back and forth. She held him.

' _I lost them,'_ he had mumbled. ' _My fault… my fault.'_

Even then, Sam couldn't cry. At the time she was able to convince herself it was because she needed to be strong for him - he was losing it. She couldn't afford to lose it, too. She doesn't have an excuse this time.

' _I am alone.'_

The thought only reminds her that somewhere down in those mines, he is alone too. She almost catches herself wishing she were down there with him. At least then they wouldn't have to be alone anymore.

She would never admit it aloud, but she longs to feel the warmth of someone's embrace, too. She has said she's fine a few times now, but inside her heart aches for someone to look her in the eyes and tell her they know she's not.

"I don't care _what_ you have to do, you get down there and you get my boy _out!_ " Sam can hear Bob Washington yell from down the long corridor.

Sam climbs into Josh's flannel and wraps it around herself tightly - the only one who can comfort her now is herself.

No one else can.

She closes her eyes and lets her own arms feel like his.

* * *

_**Calgary Crest Motel Room 13 - (12 hours after dawn)** _

It isn't the fanciest place, but it's a warm bed. That's all she cares about right now.

She watched as everyone else paired off to endure the first night of the rest of their lives with someone they cared about. Or, at least, someone to help keep the monsters at bay.

Sam isn't as lucky.

But she is strong.

Even in the isolation of her motel room, even without witnesses, the tears _still_ won't come. To cry means to admit that he's gone. To cry means to show some kind of acceptance. No. She won't. She wants to, but she won't let herself.

Truth is, she knows she lost him a long time ago.

She collapses upon the bed. She thinks she won't be able to sleep but she passes out the second her head hits the pillow. She expects nightmares of thin-skinned, toothy monsters and sawblades. Instead, it's just black nothingness. There's comfort in that.

She never even bothered to take off her sneakers - something inside her warns her to keep them on in case she needs to run.

At some point in the night she stirs. It feels like there's someone with her - she knows that's impossible. Yet in the blue-black glow of the early morning, she thinks she can feel him next to her. Her head is heavy from too much sleep, her mouth stale. She wants to unhinge her jaw and say something. Instead she presses the cool side of the pillow against her face and squeezes her eyes shut.

Her mind is jolted with memories, all at once. Interlaced fingers. Fleeting touches. Butterflies in her stomach. Forehead kisses. Soft whispers in the wee hours of morning, a time when neither of them were ever sleeping.

Because of each other, they never had to be alone. They got used to that.

_No._

Counted on it. Depended on it.

At the time she thought she was just being there for him. She had no idea until now just how much she had needed him, too. Especially now that he was gone and she had no one.

' _I feel like… like you're the only one who understands me,_ ' he had told her, his face barely discernible in the darkness of his bedroom. His hand weighed heavily on her cheek, warm and comforting. She traced the lines of his face through lazy, half-lidded eyes. There was a mutual need. A longing.

For a moment in that bleak, empty hotel room, she can almost hear him breathing.

She knows he's not there.

_God, this was going to take some getting used to._

* * *

_**Calgary Crest Motel Room 13 - (24 hours after dawn)** _

_Ding._

**Mike:** [4:30 am] I can't sleep. Are you awake?

_Ding._

**Chris:** [6:12 am] You okay? Everyone is asking about you.

_Ding._

**Emily:** [6:30 am] Do you need anything?

_Ding._

**Chris** : [6:44 am] Meet me down in the lobby for coffee in a few hours?

Her fingers hover over the keyboard on her phone but spell out nothing. She cannot find the will to respond. There have been about 15 other texts from the rest of them, a few faint knocks on the door over the last few hours.

Why can't they just leave her alone? Can't they take a hint?

 

She almost can't bring herself to finally step into the shower - but it's already been over 24 hours and she can't avoid it any longer. She _knows_ she'll never be able to take a bath again.

Her heart thumps hard in her chest as she strips herself down, piece by piece, too afraid to look in the mirror because she is terrified of what she might see.

' _Don't think about it,_ ' she tells herself. ' _You're safe now._ '

There's a sense of relief as she listens to the sound of the running water - it drowns out the silence. Makes her feel safe. Being alone _now_ feels less alone than surrounded by her friends at the station. When she's actually alone, it doesn't draw as much attention to the fact.

Steam fogs the bathroom and water rolls down her skin - dirt and blood and sweat clouds the water that pools at her feet. It almost makes her sad to see the traces of that night circle around the drain and disappear altogether. When she steps out, it's as though it never happened - if _only_ forgetting were so easy.

She foregoes the loaner clothes the police station provided her and opts for Josh's flannel and a pair of leggings instead. It makes her feel better and worse at the same time.

She's scared she'll never be able to take it off.

_Ding._

**Chris:** [8:30 am] Please say something.

* * *

 _I need the clouds to cover me_  
_Pulling them down, surround me_  
_Without your love I'll be_  
_So long and lost, are you missing me?_

 _Is it too late to come on home?_  
_Are all those bridges now old stone?_  
_Is it too late to come on home?_  
_Can the city forgive? I hear its sad song  
_

* * *

_**Calgary Crest Motel Lobby - 30 hours after dawn** _

"You're only as alone as you want to be, Sam."

Chris states this as though it is a fact and not an opinion.

"You can talk to me. Really. I know how much he meant to you…"

Sam's grip tightens around the hot coffee mug in her hand, the padding of her fingers turning white. It burns her palms but she's relieved to feel something. It takes everything out of her not to scream and throw it across the room. She wants to thrash and cry and _unleash_.

 _No one_ knew just how much he meant to her. That's impossible - she'd never said it aloud.

She smiles without teeth. It's tight and fake and strained but it seems to appease him.

"Noted. Thanks, Chris," she says instead. He leans forward, his arms creeping across the table and his hand resting atop hers.

"We're here for you. All of us. We're gonna get through this. Together." His words echo hers - she wishes she'd known how condescending it sounded when she had said it to Josh. She lifts the cup of coffee to her lips to free herself of his comforting hand. She doesn't want to be touched. She mutters another thank you but wishes she never agreed to see him. She knows he's just trying to help, but it stings too much.

They are waiting for the bus back to town so they can fly home. Sam doesn't want to go, but no one will let her stay. She has to wait for news of Josh just like everyone else. And she hates waiting.

Sam traces her fingers across the knotty, wooden table of the cafe, wishing Chris would stop staring at her with so much sympathy.

_Poor, poor Sammy. All alone._

She bets he expects her to cry.

"I'm scared, too, Sam. I miss him, too," Chris' voice cracks. She realizes when her eyes lock onto his that he is saying what he needs to hear from _her._ She cannot even begin to imagine how to make him feel better when she feels like she's dying so she says nothing. He shrugs, but there's nothing casual about what he is saying.

"H-he's just down there thinkin'... thinkin' that I didn't care." He frowns. "He was so scared, Sam. So confused. I-I wouldn't listen to him." She has to look away from his teary eyes because she doesn't trust herself. "I think... I think the last thing I said to him was that he was a coward."

"Yeah," she murmurs, forcing herself from the silence as she stares down at her coffee. She laughs softly from her nose, shaking her head. "Well, he definitely didn't think I cared..." Sam is overcome with regret. She should have told him how she felt. She thought she had all the time in the world. She runs her fingers through her hair.

"At least he knew, you know. That you loved him."

"Sam, don't have t-"

"I'm _fine."  
_

Why can't everyone just leave her alone. She's said it before, and she'll have to keep saying it 'til someone believes her.

Chris leans back in his chair, wiping the wetness from his cheeks behind his glasses. He shakes his head and swallows.

"... _I'm_ not."

* * *

_**Bus #234 en route to Calgary, AB, Canada - (36 hours after dawn)** _

She can tell that no one understands her grief. Not _really._ It makes her feel even more isolated than she could have ever imagined. She wonders how often Josh felt this way. She wonders if he meant it when he said that she was the only one who understood him - she feels like she's never understood him more.

And he's not even here for her to tell him, that. She wishes her mind would quit reminding her of that, over and over again.

She looks around the near-silent bus they're all on.

They're all still broken. _Shaken.  
_

But, miraculously the human spirit has a way of trying to heal itself almost immediately. She sees this in the pairs sitting beside one another, just trying to feign some kind of normalcy.

Jessica hides her wounds behind layers and a hat - black sunglasses that make her look like an incognito movie star. Mike's maimed hands are concealed by bright red mittens. He's doing everything he can to make her laugh - and he's succeeding.

Ashley and Chris are snuggled up close. She can't help but feel her lips curve as she notes the way Ashley is blanketed in Chris' giant coat, far too big for her. He wraps his arm around her proudly - she really _was_ all he ever wanted. He is not leaving the mountain without his consolation prize and it both empties and fills Sam's heart, somehow.

Emily and Matt hold hands with interlaced fingers, more united and sure of themselves than they ever were before. Matt has hardened, having become more a man while Emily has softened, having become more… human. Maybe now their mismatched pieces can fit.

See. Sam is optimistic. She can see the silver linings.

She looks beside her. Everyone has their person. She sits next to a stranger. She realizes even if it were Josh sitting beside her on the bus ride to Calgary, it might feel the same. He was a stranger, in the end. The Josh she'd grown to know never would have hurt her. He loved her.

And for once again, she _hates_ that she hates their happiness. It's _too_ soon to be this happy.

Did Josh ever matter to anyone other than her at all?

The quiet of the bus is disturbed by Chris' phone. Ringing. _Ice, Ice, Baby._ She wishes so badly that she could find the humor in that. _  
_

He apologizes. It's mortifying, even for Sam and it's not even her phone. He brings the phone to his ear and the rest of the riders go back to what they were doing before the disturbance. They are blissfully unaware of what this call could mean. What Sam already knows.

Chris' eyes widen then hesitantly meet with Sam's. She can't make out what he's saying, just his somber expression, his misty eyes, his painful swallow. She shrinks when he hands up and slowly comes over to her. His face is white and serious. The image sits like a rock in her stomach. She somehow already knows what he's about to tell her.

"They… they think they found him."

Her eyes burn, her face is on fire. Her heart flutters like a hummingbird in her chest.

"Is...is _he-_ " her words are breathy. Hard to get out. She feels another eruption in her chest, a cry begging to get out. She chokes it down like bad medicine.

"I-I don't know yet," Chris finishes so she doesn't even have to ask the question.

Sam gets off at the next station and buys a ticket back up to Blackwood County _immediately._

She's silently kicking herself - she never should have left in the first place.

* * *

_**Blackwood Police Department - (39 hours after dawn)** _

She sits sandwiched between the remaining Washingtons - Bob and Melinda. They have been silent and no one has been forthcoming with any information on what (or who) they've found.

Her knee bounces anxiously. Her fingers drum across the fabric of her tights. She feels hollowed out - empty.

Chris was mad at her for going back.

' _Do you have a death wish?'_ he'd snapped.

Maybe she did.

But she didn't take it personally. She knew he was just scared. She had to hug him and tell him she understood why he couldn't come. And that Josh would understand too. He tearfully nodded and told her to take care of herself - he knew if she had the chance she'd lead the rescue (or recovery) mission himself. Bob and Melinda had already buried two empty coffins.

Melinda takes her hand and squeezes it to calm her anxious fingers. Sam relaxes at her touch. It's the first time she's felt close to him for longer than she realized.

She closes her eyes and leans her head back against the wall, unable to stop replaying one of their final moments in her head over and over and over again. She fears she will spend the rest of her life longing for him.

"You up for a _ride-along_?" Josh had asked so coolly, unaware of the effect those words had on her. Even then she'd felt herself swoon a bit inside. He seemed to deliver his words in an almost drunken, unpredictable cadence that she found endearing. Sam didn't want to admit to herself the way such a simple - _probably meaningless_ \- question made her feel ever-so-slightly lovedrunk.

" _Heeey…_ " he'd droned as they got the bottom of the stairs. He reached into the credenza to fetch a flashlight.

"You notice how I gave Chris and Ash a mission together?" Sam just nodded. "Yeah, I was thinking they could use some _alone_ time." Something about the way he said _alone time_ made Sam's stomach clench, and as she peered around, she couldn't help but notice that she and Josh were on their _own_ mission, themselves.

She smirked up at him, trying not to let him see her wheels turning behind her eyes. He was such a complex person that she always felt like she was trying to figure him out. A puzzle that needed solving.

"They are _very_ sweet together," she agreed before adding flatly, "I wish they'd just freakin' get on with it." She was not unaware in the irony of her statement as his eyes fell away from hers, nervously.

"I swear, they just need like… something to bond over, y'know? Some sort of traumatic event to send them into each other's arms."

Even at the time, Sam noticed that was an odd thing to say. She chalked it up to Josh _being Josh_. He was always full of weird, off the wall comments that left her baffled most of the time.

"I mean, at this rate they'll be in the geriatric ward before Chris makes a move." Sam chuckled quietly, unsure what she could possibly say to him without giving _herself_ away…

Then she wondered if that would be the worst thing.

Maybe it was time - Sam was quite aware at this point that if Josh had feelings for her, which she was fairly certain he did, he was not going to make the first move. He'd had unlimited chances to do so in the past but they always tiptoed around each other like careful, timid children.

"Y'know, Sam…"

" _Yes,_ Josh?"

"I just wanted to say…"

"What?"

He paused, his eyes tracing her features carefully.

"It really means a lot to me that everyone came back this year and, y'know, that… _you_ came, Sam."  
She opened her mouth - she wanted to tell him everything that was written on the walls of her heart. And for some reason, one she would never understand, she hid behind vague, lukewarm sentiment.

" _We're_ here for you, Josh." (Sam cringed when she remembered saying it.) "Anything you need. We're all gonna get through this. Together."

Silence. Disappointment. That's not what she wanted to say.

That's not what he wanted to hear.

* * *

_**Blackwood Police Department - (42 hours after dawn)** _

Sam is pacing, every nerve in her body alive and dancing. She has been left in the dark. She has no idea what is happening, and the fear of the unknown is almost worse than just hearing that they found a body.

_Family only._

Melinda tried to protest, her arm protectively wrapping over Sam's shoulder to let them know that she was family, but Bob quietly shushed her and beckoned her to follow. She gave Sam one last glance, one that said she'd be right back, and they disappeared behind a gray, steel door.

That was an hour ago.

It cracks open, some officers vacate the room.

Bob comes out next. He's smiling.

He's _smiling._

Sam's heart shoots up to her throat.

She sees him. At first, she thinks she's going crazy but no. There he is: he's wrapped up in a gray safety blanket, his mother gripping onto him.

He's broken and damaged but he's _there_. Really, truly there.

_Alive._

The exhaustion she'd felt for days melts from her and she runs to him. Their bodies collide before he has even processed who she is. He's so weak, but he's _warm._ He's whole and safe and oh my God, she can't believe it.

He opens up the blanket for her to climb inside where she wraps her arms as tightly around him as she can. A smile curves her lips as she feels him reciprocate. His fingers dig into her skin like claws. She listens to his strained breathing, never more thankful in her life as she is in _this_ moment.

She pulls from him, pressing kiss after kiss against his skin, showering him in affection she didn't even know existed within her. Tears sting her eyes - she wants him to know, even without words, just how much she's mourned for him.

"I can't believe... that you're here, Sammy," his voice croaks. It's slow and deep and loopy from the meds they've presumably given him.

It is only now that Sam allows herself to cry and once it starts, she fears it will never stop. Hot, desperate tears and deep sobs empty from her, so much so she fears they may drown. He shakes beneath her - he's crying too.  
In this moment, she doesn't care - not about any of it. The prank, the meds, the monsters.

"I'll _always_ be here, Josh," she tells him. "I will always be here."

And just like before, she means it. They are not alone.

They will never have to feel alone again.

* * *

 _It's been so long between the words we spoke_  
_Will you be there up on the shore, I hope_  
_You wonder why it is that I came home  
_ _I figured out where I belong_

 _But it's too late to come on home_  
_Are all those bridges now old stone?_  
_But it's too late to come on home_  
_Can the city forgive? I hear its sad song_

* * *

_Fin_


	6. A Little Favor

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Story Title: A Little Favor  
> Synopsis: Insecure over the fact that she’s never kissed a boy at (gasp!) 17, Sam enlists in Josh’s help. Much to his annoyance.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Here’s some shameless fluff. And more good news! I have 3-4 one shots I’m adding to this fic as well as a new collab with Enula, Darkest Hour. XOXO

 

Josh was playing Silent Hill on his PlayStation4 when Sam had finally got the courage to ask him, so he only partially heard her at first. He’d been trying to defeat the doll-monster for a solid hour now and he wasn't so focused on the petite, blonde nuisance beside him. He crooked an eyebrow, his sight never leaving the screen.   


“Come again?  _ What _ are asking me?”   


“ _ Please _ , Josh,” she repeated, quieter this time. It was an embarrassing request in the first place. She really didn’t want to ask twice. She sucked in a sharp breath and bravely uttered, “just…  _ teach _ me how.” Josh snorted. It caught her off guard and made her cheeks pinken.   


“Ha. Yeah.  _ That’s _ not gonna happen.” Josh shook his head. He suspected this might even be a prank and one of his sisters put her up to this. “Nice try, though. I’ll give you an ‘A’ for effort.”   


“Oh, don’t be such a prude.”   
“Says the 17 year old who’s never even kissed a boy. That’s rich,” Josh retorted, dryly.   


“Low blow, Washington.” Sam crossed her arms over her chest and sunk into the couch cushions beside him. “And I  _ could _ have kissed plenty of boys, thankyouverymuch. I just  _ haven’t _ .”   
But again, Josh was barely listening to her as he violently shook his controller and pounded on the “A” button.    


“C’ _ monnnn _ ,” he hissed under his breath to himself just as his character was sliced in half by the monster. The screen turned red - he’d died. Irritated, Josh turned to the distraction beside him. “Then go kiss one of  _ them _ ! Scram! I’m trying to beat this-” 

Before Josh could finish his sentence, Sam had the remote in her hand. She switched the TV off. Josh  leaned across her to retrieve it, but Sam hid it behind her back. She was waiting for him to agree to her request before she’d relinquish it.

Josh just stared at her a moment, noticing their very close proximity to one another. His eyes inadvertently trailed from hers, down to her plump, pouting lips. Before he could even entertain the idea, he was shaking his head again.   
“Why don’t you just practice with one of your girlfriends like a  _ normal _ girl,” Josh then suggested. Sam rolled her eyes at the cliche.

“You mean sometime between our cupcake baking and pillow fights?” Josh was uninterested again. He sat upright and away from the temptress.

“Something like that. How about Jessica? I’ll film.”   
“Oh, ha, _ ha _ . Very funny,” Sam mocked before hitting him in the face with a couch cushion. Josh laughed, but still couldn’t stop thinking that it was such a bizarre request. Sam was like a  _ sister  _ to him. 

Well,  _ kind _ of. 

He’d always harbored that irrational crush on her, sure. But he’d  _ never  _ imagined he ever actually stood a chance. And now here she was, asking him to teach her how to kiss.  _ Yeah, right _ . He still thought it was some mean prank his sisters were pulling. He was  _ not _ gonna be caught falling for it.

“ _ Please _ ? My date is Saturday. I don’t want it to be a disaster.” Josh’s gaze landed on her hand that was now sweetly resting on his arm. 

“ _ Who _ is this guy?” Josh asked her, trying to veer the conversation in another direction. Sam rolled her eyes again, and it occurred to Josh that he should know the answer to this. Between Beth, Hannah and Sam there was always some kind of incessant chatter going on. He’d just learned how to tune them out when their discussions turned to the more boring things. Like boys.

_ What was that guy’s name? Randy? Danny? _

“Evan,” Sam told him.

_ Not even close. _

“And our date is in two days and I’m  _ freaking  _ out. Can’t you just… help out a friend?”

_ Oh, cool. The ‘friend’ card _ , Josh thought to himself.

“ _ Why _ me? Isn’t this more Mike’s area of expertise?” Josh folded his lips after he said it, silently scolding himself for pushing her towards Mike.  _ What _ was he thinking?    
“And deal with not  _ only _ the wrath of Emily, but the heartache of your sister?  _ Noooo _ thanks.” Sam bit on her bottom lip and it was hard for Josh  _ not _ to imagine what it would be like, kissing her. “Plus…” Sam began, hesitantly. “I don’t want it to be Mike. It would mean  _ more _ coming from you. You’re one of my best friends.”

_ There was that ‘friend’ thing, again. _

“Sam, you’re great. You’re  _ gorgeous _ . You know I adore you. But even despite all that, Hannah would kill me.  _ And _ you.” Sam popped to her knees, eagerness in her eyes. She leaned in close to him with a devious look on her face he’d never seen before, and Josh felt his breath hitch. Since when had she become so… grown up?

_ Why _ was he telling her no, again?    
“Hannah doesn’t need to know,” she promised. “ _ No one _ does, for that matter. It can be our little secret-” 

Tempting, but no. 

Too complicated. 

And also… Josh didn’t want to be her first kiss just because she wanted to learn for some other dude. He wanted to be her first kiss… well, because she actually  _ wanted  _ him to be. 

(Not that he liked her like that, anyways.)   
“Sam. The answer is no.  _ Accept _ that,” he told her firmly before he could change his mind. Her eyes traced his face, clearly trying to gage just how serious he was. When his expression remained stern, she collapsed back onto the couch.   
“Fine,” she said curtly. Josh rolled his eyes at the dramatics.

“Oh, c’mon, don’t be like that-”

“I said  _ fine _ .” 

_ She’ll get over it _ , he thought.

“Fine,” he snapped back. “Now get outta my way.” Josh reached by her, grabbing onto the remote. Desperate to focus on anything other than her, he turned the tv back on. “I’ve got a monster to kill.”

* * *

“You’re an idiot.” Chris shook his head in disapproval.

“Oh, just drop it, will ya?” Josh grumbled before shoving the bland, school lunch into his mouth. Today was apparently Beef Stroganoff. It just looked like gray slop over white rice. He wasn’t picky, though. He’d eat anything. “I shouldn’t have even told you.”

Chris was flabbergasted.

“Seriously? Sam is like… the perfect girl. Sh-she’s  _ smart _ . She’s  _ pretty _ . She’s  _ funny _ -”

“She’s a real pain in my ass, if you ask me,” Josh interjected.

“ _ Plus _ ... you know... she’s one of your best friends.” 

“ _ Exactly. _ She’s one of my best friends,” Josh repeated, but his tone gave the statement a completely different meaning.

_ Of course _ he wondered if he’d been too hasty with his decision. It’s all he’d been able to think about since it happened yesterday.

Clearly she wanted him to be the one to teach her, but _ then _ what? Girls were complicated. What if it changed things? Or what if she started to like him afterwards and it got awkward? He also knew the roles could end up reversed, and he was not in any rush to get hung up on his little sister’s best friend.

“It’s just too weird. You shoulda seen her. She was super pushy about it and everything. I’ve never seen her act like that-”

“Do you think it’s just a ruse to get you to make out with her?” Chris pondered. “Maybe she’s really into you.” He took a sip of his Coca-Cola. Josh didn’t even glance in his direction, just shrugged a shoulder. He’d already given this way more thought than he wanted to. 

Stupid Sam and her stupid request. 

“Don’t know,” Josh said through another mouthful. “Don’t really care. Hannah would give me an earful, that’s for sure. It’s not happening.” Chris leaned back in his chair, pondering.

“I mean… aren’t you even slightly interested at all? I thought you  _ liked _ Sam-” Josh sat up abruptly, trying his best not to roll his eyes. Chris was _ quite _ the romantic. 

“Dude, that was for like, a day,” he scoffed. He wanted to forget that fleeting moment in his life, last summer. He’d become enthralled with Sam when she came over for a pool party. Girls in bikinis will do that to a guy. 

“Okay,  _ then _ what?” Chris pushed. 

“ _ Then…”  _ Another shrug from Josh. “I dunno. Then I guess I realized how messy it would be. So I just shut it off.” Chris raised his eyebrow, his face painted with skepticism behind his black-framed glasses.

“Oh  _ yeah _ ?”

“Yeah.”

“You can just shut it off like that? It’s that easy?”

“Yup,” Josh bobbed his head. He smirked wryly over at his puzzled friend. “That’s one of the many perks of being a sociopath.” Chris snorted, his head falling forward. 

“I don’t think it’s that you don’t  feel anything, Josh. I think the problem is that you feel too  _ much _ . So I wouldn’t classify you as a sociopath. Nice try though.”

“Hmm. Maybe so.”

“ _ I _ think you should do it.”

“How’s uh… how’s Ashley?” Josh changed the subject. He wasn’t going to allow himself to be badgered about his reluctance to make out with Sam from  _ Chris _ . He’d been dragging his feet towards his  _ own _ crush for the better half of the last year. “Finally gonna segue from the Friendzone to the Bonezone?”

“Nahhh…” Chris mumbled, but his face brightened. “She  _ did  _ touch my arm in Chemistry yesterday, though.” Josh’s eyes widened in mock excitement.

“Oh, gee _golly_! When’s the wedding, big guy?” he teased flatly.

“Shut up, Josh.”

The two of them silenced as they watched Sam walk right past their table with her bagged lunch - the school cafeteria didn’t have much in the way of vegan options. Chris eyes spoke to Josh’s.

_ Well? You gonna go over there?  _ they seemed to say. Josh heard him loud and clear. He tossed his plastic fork on his tray in defeat, sliding out from behind his lunch table. He heaved a sigh and left Chris behind to go see if Sam was still sore at him.

“Hey shortstack,” he greeted, but she didn’t seem to hear him. With how loud the cafeteria was, that could have very well been a possibility. “I _ said _ , hey shortstack,” he repeated, a little louder this time. Still no response from the blonde. Josh felt a chuckle fall from his throat as he waved his hand in front of her face, “yoooo. Sammy. You deaf?” Josh only then realized that Sam was giving him the silent treatment.

“Oh, so you’re not talking to me now. Is that it?” Josh leaned down, trying to get Sam to at least look at him, but she resisted. He huffed out a quick, uncomfortable laugh. Sam had never been mad at him before. At least, not like this.

“Are you serious? All because I’m not gonna kiss you?” Sam finally glanced up at him. She blew the loose, golden hair from her face and heaved a careless shrug. Josh pulled a chair out and sat in it backwards, leaning in towards her playfully.

“There’s  _ no _ way you can resist talking to me,” Josh challenged, hoping reverse psychology would break her. Sam smiled smugly as to accept his challenge before looking back down at her lunch.

“ _ Fine _ ,” Josh snapped, crossing his arms defiantly. “Be that way. I don’t care.”

But he  _ did _ care. 

Sure, Sam was  _ Hannah’s _ best friend, but over the last year or so they’d built their own friendship  _ separate  _ from his sisters. 

There was movie Monday, first off. Every first Monday of the month, Chris and Sam (and sometimes Ashley) would come over to watch a slasher film with him, since Hannah and Beth refused. 

Sam was also a night owl like him. They’d found themselves talking late into the night with his sisters quietly snoring beside them. Having her mad at him just made things feel… strange. 

“What did you say?” Josh asked suddenly. Sam turned, looking confused. “Oh, it’s just… I thought I heard you say something. Nevermind.” 

A look of realization crossed Sam’s face when she figured out that he was messing with her. She shook her head, shying away as he scooted in closer to her. His gaze was intense.   
“It seems like you really wanna tell me something,” he said quietly. Sam shook her head, trying not to break. ““Are you  _ suuuuure?”  _ They stared one another down for a moment. She went to open her mouth, but instead she closed it. The way she looked at him now made him feel like it might be true, that she did have something to tell him but couldn’t.

_ Or wouldn’t _ .

He sighed again, almost becoming bored with this little game now. Sam was no fun when she wasn’t mouthing off to him. He stood, shoving his hands in his pockets.

“Alright… I’ll leave you alone,” he surrendered. Sam continued to eat her lunch as he leaned down, his mouth close to her ear. “When you decide to stop being mad at me, you know where to find me,” he told her, and then he walked back to rejoin Chris for the rest of lunch.

* * *

Josh couldn’t sleep.

Probably because it was only 8:30 pm. But he also suspected that Sam had something to do with his restlessness, as well. 

Her silent treatment hadn’t wavered for the rest of the day - not even when he drove the four of them home after school. It even bled into the evening when she’d arrived at the Washington house for her weekly slumber party with Hannah. 

Josh had done a pretty good job of avoiding her while she was here; he had other things to take care of anyway, like his research project for video production class and then his dinner plans with Chris. 

Even still, her presence around the house was heavy, like a lingering raincloud, and he just couldn’t shake it off.

Josh turned in his bed, stuffing the pillow under his neck to get comfortable. His laptop had died and he was too lazy to retrieve the cord from downstairs, so he was left to wallow in his own agonizing silence. He thought about what Chris had said to him, that he should just go with it. He was having a hard time holding his ground now. He’d wanted to avoid ruining things with Sam, but it seemed that things had just gotten ruined anyway.

When he really thought about it, it kinda started to piss him off that she was being so stubborn about the whole thing. Was she really so ready to throw away their friendship over something like this?

She must have gotten a fresh batch of teenage hormones recently because he’d never seen Sam be so… well, emotional. She was always pretty laid back. Persistent, yes, but she was the most level headed person he knew. He was shocked this whole stupid kiss thing had gotten her panties in a twist.

Josh silently chastised himself for even thinking about her panties.

Josh scoffed at himself and crawled out of bed. 

Who knows.

Maybe she  _ did _ like him.

Either way, he wasn’t going to allow himself to go round and round in his own head over this. He needed Netflix and he needed it now. There was no other way he was going to get out of his own head. 

Josh ventured down to the rec room to grab his laptop cord when he heard laughter coming from behind Hannah’s door on the way back. Sam and Hannah were up hanging out, of course. Maybe even Beth. He wondered to himself if Sam had ran this whole situation by his sisters. After all, they’d gotten a couple weird looks from Beth and Hannah over their obvious avoidance of each other this evening, but no one had said anything to him.

_ I really don’t care _ , he thought to himself. He hurried past Hannah’s door, only to almost knock into Sam in the hallway. She was on her way back from the bathroom. His stomach sunk; he had hoped the laughter from the bedroom was an indicator that the coast was clear.

Sam froze and Josh could see she was just as uncomfortable with this run in as he was. Standing there and seeing her made him realize just how ridiculous all of this was in the first place. He hoped this could be an opportunity to put the whole thing to bed. 

“Still not talking to me?” Josh asked her teasingly. Sam tried to slip past him, but he blocked her way. After a moment she mirrored him, crossing her arms over her chest.

“You know, you didn’t have to be so rude about it,” Sam said in a quick burst. She’d clearly been waiting for an opportunity to unleash on him for hours. She shoved him lightly in the shoulder. “Instead you made it weird, you  _ doofus _ -”

“Sam,  _ you _ made it weird. I mean, don’t you understand that the whole thing was weird in the first place?”

“Well, why don’t you want to kiss me?” she asked, shifting her weight on her feet. “Are you not attracted to me?”

“No!” Josh exclaimed. How could she misconstrue the situation so entirely? “I mean,  _ yes _ .” Sam raised her eyebrows, the rest of her face falling. Nothing he said was right. Josh closed his eyes and groaned, hiding his face in his hands.

“Can you be a little more articulate, please?” 

Josh dropped his arms. He leaned in towards her, their faces close. He shook his head and lowered his voice, “of  _ course _ I’m attracted to you.” He ignored the way her mouth pulled, wanting to smile but resisting. He felt his face flush, “Oh, don’t act like you don’t  _ know _ you’re a pretty girl, Sam.  _ C’mon. _ It’s obviously not about that at all.”

“Then what is it?” She stared at him impatiently. It was clear she was growing more irritated as the words caught in his throat and he couldn’t seem to spit it out. “Ya know what? Nevermind. Just forget it. Maybe I  _ will  _ just ask  _ Mike- _ ” She threatened, turning to head back to Hannah’s room.

“Sam, wait,” Josh called after her. Sam’s green eyes burned into him intensely and he swallowed. 

“Don’t… don’t you want your first kiss to be with the guy you actually  _ like _ ? I mean… first kisses aren’t something you can take back.” Sam froze, her jaw clenching as she digested his concern. She gave him a weak shrug.

“You’ve kissed tons of girls, what’s it matter to  _ you _ if my first kiss is special or not?” she asked him, her tone softer.

“I just don’t want you to regret it.” Sam’s gaze grew sweeter, more understanding, as she reached up to brush his jaw with her fingers.

“I mean…. I-I guess I don’t really know how long Evan is going to be in my life. But… I kinda expect you’ll be in it forever. I would  _ never  _ regret it if it was with you.”

Sam turned again to go to Hannah’s room, but not before Josh impulsively hooked his arm around her waist, bringing her to him quickly. Without thinking he brought his mouth to hers and relished in the sound of Sam’s surprised but pleased murmur against his lips. 

Sam relaxed, both of her hands slowly inching up to cup Josh’s face, bringing him even closer to her. His grip tightened around her and he felt her lips move against his - she tasted like starburst and lemonade and it was utterly intoxicating.

Before he got to a point where he couldn’t stop himself, Josh let go of her. She seemed wobbly on her own feet, dizzy from the suddenness of it all. He would be lying if he said he wasn’t feeling a little frazzled and worked up himself.

Her shocked expression was adorable, and Josh found himself chuckling a bit as she stammered over something to say. She looked both excited and outraged and he was glad to be responsible for it. He ran his hands over his face, groaned nervously, and then quickly pecked her lips one more time.

“Night, Sammy,” he said, unable to meet her gaze now. He’d never done anything like that in his whole life. “Uh. Sweet dreams.” 

“Night,” she breathed, still dazed.

“Good luck on your date tomorrow.” Josh turned to retire back to his room before she could see precisely the shade of rouge in his cheeks.

* * *

 

It wasn’t like it was the kiss of the century or anything; it was actually quite tame. But it certainly hadn’t left his mind for the rest of the night.

Or the next day. 

Josh tried to focus on other things but he always seemed to veer back to it. So much so that he even found himself hiding away from Hannah, much to her annoyance. She’d tried talking to him a few times throughout the day, only for him barely respond and hide off in his room. He felt guilty for not telling her about the kiss, especially since it was clear that he definitely and reluctantly had feelings for Sam. 

He couldn’t avoid Hannah when she came pounding on his door, insistent that he open up immediately. He crawled out of bed, where he’d been hibernating, and yanked the door open to see a waiting and red-faced Hannah. He stared her up and down, taking in the sight of her decked out in her tennis uniform.

“Um,  _ hello _ !” she said, pointing to her racket. “It’s 3:30. I’m gonna be late.” Josh glanced at his watch - she was right. 3:30 pm. He was supposed to take her to practice ten minutes ago. He heaved a sigh and retreated towards his closet, patting down his bedhead as he rooted around for a presentable flannel to put over his t-shirt. 

“What is your deal?” Hannah challenged, stepping into his room. “You’ve been hiding out in here all day.” Her concern was deeply evident, even if her tone was somewhat scolding. He knew she was just worried about him. She was  _ always  _ worried.

“I’m fine,” he tried. He knew that wouldn’t be enough, but he still hoped. He glanced at her as he buttoned his shirt. “ _ Really. _ ”

“Is this because you kissed Sam?” she asked blatantly. Josh froze, his brows furrowing.

“Wait, how did you-” Hannah chuckled.

“You’re  _ really _ dumb if you thought she wasn’t gonna tell me. She’s my best friend, numbnuts!” She exclaimed as she plopped down onto his bed, obviously not as concerned with being late as she was before. Josh sat beside her.

“So… she really into this guy, or what?” he asked, trying to be nonchalant but failing miserably. Hannah leaned back on her hands, sighing. 

“I mean… I guess. She’s still going out with him tonight, if that’s what you’re asking.” 

“Oh,” Josh muttered. He tried not to let him bother him, but it still stung a little. 

“Why don’t you just… tell her you like her?”

“Why don’t you just tell Mike you like him?” he snapped back, far more viciously than he wanted to. He eased up when he saw the hurt in his sister's eyes. “I’m sorry, Hann. It’s just not that simple.” 

“ _ Mike _ has a girlfriend. And doesn’t even know I exist,” Hannah clarified, somberly. “Sam is single. And cute. And sweet....” 

All of those things were true. And Josh was incredibly mad at himself for liking her like that. It was so much simpler before. Hannah leaned into him, nudging him a bit. 

“And… she likes you.” Josh crooked an eyebrow and stared down at Hannah.

“She tell you that?”

“In a way, yeah,” she laughed. “I mean… I guess we all thought it was obvious.”

“Then how come  _ I _ don’t see it that way?” Josh questioned, running a hand through his disheveled hair. 

“Because maybe you were so afraid of being rejected that it’s blinded you.” 

Josh pondered that a moment, realizing that his sister hit the nail on the head. He was so convinced that Sam wouldn’t ever like him back that he’d smothered any chances they’d ever had with awkward humor and deflection. 

And now he was sitting alone at home like a hermit. 

And she was getting ready for a date with someone else. 

“Josh…” Hannah squeaked, pulling his gaze back to her. “She wanted  _ you _ to be her first kiss because you’re the most important guy in her life. I think you have your answer,” Hannah said quietly. “So what if she’s on a date. I bet you fifty bucks she’d rather be hanging out here with you any day.”

Josh was done talking about it. He appreciated his sister’s sincerity, but she was a dreamer. And she definitely watched too many soap operas to be a credible source for romantic advice.

“Let’s get you to practice,” he said, abruptly and thoroughly ending the conversation.

* * *

Josh spent the rest of the day with Chris to get his mind off Sam - even though he couldn’t stop checking his phone to see if she’d texted him. He didn’t want to tell Chris how crazy it was driving him out of fear his friend would offer to ‘help,’ so instead the two of them just indulged in some pizza, beer and video games.

It was a good enough distraction - enough so that he was panicked when Chris stood to leave.

“W-wait. You’re not staying over?” Josh asked hopefully as Chris zipped up his jacket. 

“Nah, man. I told Ashley I would come over and watch a movie. You know what  _ that _ means,” he winked oh-so-cooly.. 

“That you’re both gonna sit on opposite ends of the couch and neither of you are gonna make a move?” Josh said dryly. Chris laughed, despite himself.

“Well, I mean. At least I’ll get to watch a crappy romantic comedy.”

“So it’s win-win,” Josh nodded. “Keep livin’ the dream, Romeo. Eventually your hard work will pay off.”  Chris gave him a high five and left abruptly, leaving Josh alone with his thoughts. Which, of course, were riddled with Sam. 

It was just a stupid crush. Exacerbated by a kiss. It would pass, just like most of his flavors of the week usually did. This was nothing different. Nothing special. 

In fact, he was finding himself slightly peeved at her for dragging him into this in the first place, and more mad at himself for allowing it to happen.

_ Never again. _

Last night in the hallway was the first and last time he’d be tempted by the golden-haired siren, that was for sure. 

Josh stood, stretched, and checked the clock. It was getting kinda late and he was contemplating trying to turn in when he heard the gentle rap on the rec room door. At first his mind told him it was Chris, but reconciled that when he reasoned that Chris wouldn’t have knocked.

“Hey,” She said, standing in the doorway. She was more dressed up than he’d really ever seen her, save for a school dance or holiday. Everything about her was polished, from her long, curled blonde hair to her floral summer dress to her tan boots.

“What are you doing here? I thought you were out with Randy.” It was hard to say that without it coming across as bitter. Josh stood up straight, smoothing down his rumpled shirt.

“Evan,” Sam corrected him. She fidgeted with her hands nervously as Josh looked her up and down. “And… I  _ was _ out with him. 

“Uh huh…  _ but? _ ” Josh egged her on.

“But I told him I wasn’t feeling well and cut out early.”

Josh felt the corner of his mouth twitch; he didn’t want to smile and give himself away that he’d been hoping this might happen. 

“Oh really? Uh… interesting,” he said coolly. Sam smiled now, her nose scrunching. 

“Oh, yeah?” she said, suppressing a giggle that wanted so badly to erupt from her mouth. “And why is that so interesting, Washington?” Sam stepped towards him, the gap between them closing when he didn’t move from where he was standing. Josh gave a small shrug, leaning against the doorframe. He stuck his hands in his pockets casually.

“I dunno… just ‘cause you seemed pretty eager to go out with him, I guess,” he mumbled. “How’d he do? Was it everything you’d imagined?” He was, of course, referring to their much anticipated kiss. Sam’s smile bent and became strained.

“ _ Eh _ ,” she croaked. Josh laughed now. It was becoming clear why she was here now, although he didn’t want to get his hopes up. “I’ve had better.”

“So, let me get this straight. You had a hot date, but you’d rather be here, hangin’ out with lil’ old me?” Josh was having a hard time containing his smile at this point. Hannah had been right all along. He owed his sister fifty bucks.

“I guess so.” Sam neared him more, mindlessly playing with the buttons on his flannel. “Plus, I just… I think maybe I have a little more to learn, you know?” She glanced up at him, her eyes scheming. 

“What do you mean?” Josh uttered, his breath slowing. She shrugged, smiling slyly.

“I think I need a little more practice. And since you were such a good teacher  _ before- _ ” her words trailed off shyly, but Josh knew what she was getting at. 

Josh tilted her chin up, carefully pressing his lips to hers again. He felt her smile against him, her teeth softly crashing into his. His hand snaked up behind her neck, cradling her head as she relaxed into his lips. It was even more amazing than it was the night before, especially as her arms slinked around him, pulling him closer. 

And Josh couldn’t believe he was kissing Sam Jensen. Even more than that, that he was kissing her because she wanted to be kissed by him. It still felt so surreal.

He could  _ definitely _ get used to this. 

When they parted it was Josh’s turn to be dazed and dizzied. She’d certainly improved since the last one, that much was certain. Although, that might have been because last time he completely caught her off guard. 

“Well? How was that?” Sam asked, teasingly. Josh shrugged.

“I mean, no one’s perfect. You’ll get the hang of it.”

“Oh, shut up Josh,” Sam uttered between giggles. So he did as she asked and shut up.

And then he kissed her again.

* * *

 

_ fin _

  
  



End file.
